THE NEW NAMES: They Suck and That's Just the Start

Hear Ye, Hear Ye -- The Old Fart Is Bitching Again!

So, when I was growing up in the 1970s, every now and again by the light of a full moon, you might run into someone with a weird name: Dylan; Knute (I knew one); Benton, or something like that. It was rare. And, all it signaled was that a kid got stuck with a weird name because his or her parents were trying to be 'special.'

It was a fairly standard line-up in my days, mostly boys and girls were named after saints or there were traditional names running around. Let's see, pretty common were names like: James, Luke, John, Simon, Peter, Harvey, Stanley, Thomas, William, Patrick, Anthony, Francis, Richard, Harold or George, among others.

For girls, let's see: Mary, Mariam, Marilyn, Judy, Ruth, Melissa, Frances, Sandra, Kimberly, Patricia, Ann, Stacey, Michelle, Andrea, Victoria, Susan, Dawn, Marie...you get the idea.

Well, all things have to change, right?

So, through the years, things start changing. For boys, you start seeing a lot of Ryan, Dylan, Brody and that kind of thing. With the girls, you started seeing a lot of: Madison, Dakota, Cheyenne, etc. Alright, a little weird but -- whatever.

Then, somewhere in the early 2000s, it got stupid. Now, all of these names are people I have met or know, without exception. For boys: Decker, Reever, Boston, Lex, Striker, Stryker, Rock, Xander, Shamlin. Well, we've traveled pretty far from 'George' now.

For girls: Saber, Sabre, Philadelphia, Donatella, Crimson, Sunset, Meadow, Baltimore, Brooklyn, Morocco and Lattice.

And, let's not forget the interchangeable, for both sexes: Dale, Devon, Devin, Star and God knows what next.

OK, I get it. Stuff is different than the day. To my ears, the new stuff is goofy. And, here is why I think it is happening. So, if you have been reading some you'd know that some sociologists believe that parents, since the 1990s, have been doing this exaggerated "Child Worship" thing with their kids. Basically, parents wrap their kids in Saran Wrap now and give them a nudge when they're 30.

We have "helicopter moms," "tiger moms," "soccer dads" ... I can't keep up. So, to distinguish their child from every other child in the world, they give them a name so unique it is unlikely anyone will ever meet another one. Because every child is so utterly special that none of them need to get jobs cleaning anything, driving anything, busting their ass at anything. Basically, they're too good for the 'growing up' that everyone before has done.

And, where has it gotten us?

Fair Question. So, we have a young male population that is less competent, physically and academically, by and large, than any other generation before it. And, these boys are fatter than ever before. Hey, go team! Good one, parents -- quick -- blame the school board!

Now girls have totally changed roles with boys and that is fine. A lot of the girls I know want a career, definitely a child -- like one, and maybe a man or maybe not a permanent man. It's more than being equal now, women are (in my opinion) more academically inclined, job-oriented, mission oriented and more worked out than their male counterparts. Because 'men' have made themselves extra baggage in this generation. So much for building another temple to privileged youth.

Here's an old-fashioned question, old fart that I am: Who is going to like --- have babies now? So that we can replenish our job force; provided that the kids coming up aren't 'too good' to do anything and the country should just mail them $100,000 checks every month or so.


At what point are children going to have two parents again, if ever? With Gay Marriage on the rise, is Straight Marriage finally taking a header off the top of a cliff? I don't know, but things don't look good here, guys.

Hey, it's not our generation's business. I understand that argument; I espouse it. I have no dog in the race anymore. I'm done working and I have no plans of ever returning to working (unless I get a new body that works). The young people are inheriting the world. Youth is worshipped. After 50, everyone is supposed to disappear. Hey, I'm on target and on script. But, on the way out I would tell you this -- if you want to keep the industrial might of this country going -- the real power of this country -- you have to act.


Want to fix the economy? Let these young ladies have a go at it.

I would stop arguing about illegal immigration and swear-in every hard-working, honest illegal alien in this and get them paying taxes like now. Because the main culture has the worst, most confusing crop of young people I've ever heard of in U.S. history (minus the young women, who may take over the entire world: we should arm them).

If history has taught us nothing, though, it is this: Someone has to change tires, sweep the floor, do maintenance on the cars, fix the elevator, do masonry, electrical...etc. And, if you look at all those jobs right now, to their credit, you will see an awful lot of undocumented workers busting their ass to make a dollar in this country without a quarter of the bitching you'll hear from young people. They're hungry, like our grandparents used to be. They appreciate America -- like us and our parents did. And, they don't play video games on the couch all day. They work. Sounds good: Sign 'em up.

Right now, this country is re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic when it comes to Social Security without the muscle, sinew and 'can-do' attitude of Americans not born in this country, or raised as a 'worshipped child,' who isn't in Saran Wrap and is ready to do a damn day's work.

The truth is there are some special things about all of us. Yes, there are. But, to think that any of us are all that unique -- so dissimilar from other people -- is a lie. Unless your kid is in the process of curing cancer, writing the next great opera or some amazing math prodigy -- how about feet on the ground again?

In my day, I got out of the Army and took a job scrubbing toilets in a flea market. Gross? You betcha. Well, I worked my ass off and then I got promoted to assistant maintenance supervisor. OK, little better. I kept working my ass off and became the maintenance supervisor. Not resting on my laurels, I worked even harder and became the assistant market manager for my facility. Ultimately, I was made a manger. I worked my way up. I didn't show up one day, put in an application for manager and try to haggle a company car in my resume.

You know, it's the young people's world right now. But, I don't think their way works. It lacks character and hard work in a lot of fields that demand it. And, it's a little too ridiculous to think everyone is going to be a CEO. But, whatever.

Of course, not everyone's son or daughter fits into the tidy stereotypes I have provided here. But, I think there may be a lot of glimmers of truth for some people they can recognize. Anyway, no offense meant to video games, couch potatoes, or unfit and unambitious young men.

With that said, I will stop writing so I can have my hot cocoa tonight, take my medications and get to bed early. Maybe I will listen to some Sinatra before I go to sleep or watch the news. That's my Friday night. All the best to everyone and have a nice day! Seeya later...gators.