Your 50s: The New Starting Line

This says cola relieves fatigue: How about slowing down some instead?

So, you're approaching or you are in your 50s. Maybe you work, maybe you don't. Perhaps you have children, maybe you don't. You might still be married or, according to statistics, you may be divorced.

You've gotten a little older, despite the fact the world is still going full-steam ahead. And, you're working as hard, if not harder, as you did 25 years ago.

The fact is, ladies and gentlemen, the game has changed for you after your 40s are in the rearview mirror and, if you don't change some of the things you're doing, the only one who can end up a loser here is you. With little changes, for some, and bigger changes, for others, there is no reason not to have a great lifestyle and wonderful health into your later years.

My parents, Jim and Ruth, they didn't have a very wonderful retirement. Hell, by their own admission, their 50s were a nightmare. But, I can tell you this, despite the fact they were a little older and needed to change their diet a little and add some stress relief in there -- they didn't. Dad found stress relief by being a chain smoker and Mom did it by drinking too much wine or vodka. So, by the time they retired, well in their late 60s, they died of lung cancer and liver cancer, respectively. Not a very good reward for the years they put in this world; not very good at all.

Yet, they wouldn't do a single thing to help their health, or their stress, or their dispositions beyond a certain point. They kept on acting like they were 20 when they were 50, and all it led to was illness, injury and disappointment for them. To keep up with their physical needs they needed to adopt quite a few healthy elements to their life, which they never did.

Obviously, I am glad they had my brother and I. But, having one kid at 38 years old and another at 42 years old was something that really took its toll on them, and only hastened their old age and infirmity. So, they had children very late. OK, that was one bad idea my parents had for themselves.

Here are some other bad ideas my parents had: They bought a house in the suburbs that came with 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a large living and large family room, two full kitchens and a large dining room. And, they bought that house on a piece of property that was almost an acre large. Meanwhile, their commutes (both of them worked in Newark, NJ) was an hour each way. This is what they did until their mid-60s.

It made them angry. It made them short. Mom used to say that her and my father "just lived for other people." Well, I said it then and going to say it now -- they had a hell of a bad plan, alright. Their plan outright sucked.

How about living in a condo, which has a staff to tend the yard area, in a town nearby where they worked? That could have been done. Save a lot of maintenance chores on the house, a lot of costs there, and the enormous upkeep of yard work for a large lawn and backyard. Hell, we had a small forest along the side yard.

The smoking and drinking were obvious red flags. So was the way they approached their lives. They turned their lives into drudgery with a series of bad decisions that didn't have to be made to torture themselves. There is always a smarter answer than the most stressful, longest commute to physical jobs, when they are in their 50s. Come on now! Sounds like they still were putting the expectations of 20-somethings on themselves. Maybe they couldn't real deal with getting older, and I think there might have been some of that in there for both of them. Consequently, they rebelled against the inevitably by putting themselves through the impossible.

Enjoy a few sunsets: their actually awesome

I wish my Dad hadn't smoked himself dead and that Mom didn't drink herself dead. I wish they had gotten regular medical care, paid attention to their doctors, ate reasonably, took vitamins and took their medications on time and faithfully. I wish they exercised or had a "date night" every week and just had a better time. Well, I'm not doing that, folks, and you're a damn fool if that's your plan either.

I want to live as best as I can for as long as I can. I can't eat anything I want, anytime I want to: That is how I became 280 pounds. I was holding pretty steady to a 230-pound, worked out body for many, many years. Well, I got injured, I got depressed, whatever -- I got really fat. It wasn't natural. I was just acting and eating like an idiot.

I have physical problems. A lot of us do. But, somehow and some way, we can navigate those problems without turning into the Goodyear blimp. Oh, I'm not there yet. I lost 25 pounds of that whale meat I put on. And, I'm in the process of getting rid of the rest. I grew up; hopefully I grew up in time to give myself some good years ahead.

Do you know what you're retirement is going to look like? And, I'm not talking about money here. The Susie Ormonds of the world are on another site. I'm the lifestyle guy. You're retirement is going to look exactly like what you plan for, what you execute and what you are determined it will become. You can determine your life is going to suck -- well, by all means proceed. Otherwise, you can turn these years into the most wonderful of your life.

I hope you pick 'the most wonderful of your life.' Meanwhile, my ass is down in Florida first chance I get where my joints and my wallet will feel a whole lot better. As always, thanks for stopping by. I'll be seeing you later, alligators.

THE NEW NAMES: They Suck and That's Just the Start

Hear Ye, Hear Ye -- The Old Fart Is Bitching Again!

So, when I was growing up in the 1970s, every now and again by the light of a full moon, you might run into someone with a weird name: Dylan; Knute (I knew one); Benton, or something like that. It was rare. And, all it signaled was that a kid got stuck with a weird name because his or her parents were trying to be 'special.'

It was a fairly standard line-up in my days, mostly boys and girls were named after saints or there were traditional names running around. Let's see, pretty common were names like: James, Luke, John, Simon, Peter, Harvey, Stanley, Thomas, William, Patrick, Anthony, Francis, Richard, Harold or George, among others.

For girls, let's see: Mary, Mariam, Marilyn, Judy, Ruth, Melissa, Frances, Sandra, Kimberly, Patricia, Ann, Stacey, Michelle, Andrea, Victoria, Susan, Dawn, Marie...you get the idea.

Well, all things have to change, right?

So, through the years, things start changing. For boys, you start seeing a lot of Ryan, Dylan, Brody and that kind of thing. With the girls, you started seeing a lot of: Madison, Dakota, Cheyenne, etc. Alright, a little weird but -- whatever.

Then, somewhere in the early 2000s, it got stupid. Now, all of these names are people I have met or know, without exception. For boys: Decker, Reever, Boston, Lex, Striker, Stryker, Rock, Xander, Shamlin. Well, we've traveled pretty far from 'George' now.

For girls: Saber, Sabre, Philadelphia, Donatella, Crimson, Sunset, Meadow, Baltimore, Brooklyn, Morocco and Lattice.

And, let's not forget the interchangeable, for both sexes: Dale, Devon, Devin, Star and God knows what next.

OK, I get it. Stuff is different than the day. To my ears, the new stuff is goofy. And, here is why I think it is happening. So, if you have been reading some you'd know that some sociologists believe that parents, since the 1990s, have been doing this exaggerated "Child Worship" thing with their kids. Basically, parents wrap their kids in Saran Wrap now and give them a nudge when they're 30.

We have "helicopter moms," "tiger moms," "soccer dads" ... I can't keep up. So, to distinguish their child from every other child in the world, they give them a name so unique it is unlikely anyone will ever meet another one. Because every child is so utterly special that none of them need to get jobs cleaning anything, driving anything, busting their ass at anything. Basically, they're too good for the 'growing up' that everyone before has done.

And, where has it gotten us?

Fair Question. So, we have a young male population that is less competent, physically and academically, by and large, than any other generation before it. And, these boys are fatter than ever before. Hey, go team! Good one, parents -- quick -- blame the school board!

Now girls have totally changed roles with boys and that is fine. A lot of the girls I know want a career, definitely a child -- like one, and maybe a man or maybe not a permanent man. It's more than being equal now, women are (in my opinion) more academically inclined, job-oriented, mission oriented and more worked out than their male counterparts. Because 'men' have made themselves extra baggage in this generation. So much for building another temple to privileged youth.

Here's an old-fashioned question, old fart that I am: Who is going to like --- have babies now? So that we can replenish our job force; provided that the kids coming up aren't 'too good' to do anything and the country should just mail them $100,000 checks every month or so.


At what point are children going to have two parents again, if ever? With Gay Marriage on the rise, is Straight Marriage finally taking a header off the top of a cliff? I don't know, but things don't look good here, guys.

Hey, it's not our generation's business. I understand that argument; I espouse it. I have no dog in the race anymore. I'm done working and I have no plans of ever returning to working (unless I get a new body that works). The young people are inheriting the world. Youth is worshipped. After 50, everyone is supposed to disappear. Hey, I'm on target and on script. But, on the way out I would tell you this -- if you want to keep the industrial might of this country going -- the real power of this country -- you have to act.


Want to fix the economy? Let these young ladies have a go at it.

I would stop arguing about illegal immigration and swear-in every hard-working, honest illegal alien in this and get them paying taxes like now. Because the main culture has the worst, most confusing crop of young people I've ever heard of in U.S. history (minus the young women, who may take over the entire world: we should arm them).

If history has taught us nothing, though, it is this: Someone has to change tires, sweep the floor, do maintenance on the cars, fix the elevator, do masonry, electrical...etc. And, if you look at all those jobs right now, to their credit, you will see an awful lot of undocumented workers busting their ass to make a dollar in this country without a quarter of the bitching you'll hear from young people. They're hungry, like our grandparents used to be. They appreciate America -- like us and our parents did. And, they don't play video games on the couch all day. They work. Sounds good: Sign 'em up.

Right now, this country is re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic when it comes to Social Security without the muscle, sinew and 'can-do' attitude of Americans not born in this country, or raised as a 'worshipped child,' who isn't in Saran Wrap and is ready to do a damn day's work.

The truth is there are some special things about all of us. Yes, there are. But, to think that any of us are all that unique -- so dissimilar from other people -- is a lie. Unless your kid is in the process of curing cancer, writing the next great opera or some amazing math prodigy -- how about feet on the ground again?

In my day, I got out of the Army and took a job scrubbing toilets in a flea market. Gross? You betcha. Well, I worked my ass off and then I got promoted to assistant maintenance supervisor. OK, little better. I kept working my ass off and became the maintenance supervisor. Not resting on my laurels, I worked even harder and became the assistant market manager for my facility. Ultimately, I was made a manger. I worked my way up. I didn't show up one day, put in an application for manager and try to haggle a company car in my resume.

You know, it's the young people's world right now. But, I don't think their way works. It lacks character and hard work in a lot of fields that demand it. And, it's a little too ridiculous to think everyone is going to be a CEO. But, whatever.

Of course, not everyone's son or daughter fits into the tidy stereotypes I have provided here. But, I think there may be a lot of glimmers of truth for some people they can recognize. Anyway, no offense meant to video games, couch potatoes, or unfit and unambitious young men.

With that said, I will stop writing so I can have my hot cocoa tonight, take my medications and get to bed early. Maybe I will listen to some Sinatra before I go to sleep or watch the news. That's my Friday night. All the best to everyone and have a nice day! Seeya later...gators.