Multi-Tasking: No One Is Really All That Great At It

Multi-tasking is a doorway to a heart attack

I heard a lot about "Superwoman" growing up in the 1970s, as Moms went to work more and more. Then, men starting working harder and harder; women started working harder and harder. Until there is a culture and ethos today that, be it a man or a woman, someone can "have it all."

"Have it all" means someone can have a 60-hour per week salary job, go to school at least part-time, be a good parent, a great spouse and an amazing lover...oh, and work-out regularly. This is all before commuting and/or ever getting sick. But, the conventional wisdom is, all anyone has to do is "effectively balance their time."

I don't care what sociologist, therapist or writer says all of this is possible: It isn't. Are they nuts!? I actually think so.

There isn't enough time in the day to do all that stuff. Someone could get a heart attack or a hernia trying to do all that. To make it seem like "multi-tasking" is a reality, the definitions of what a 'good' employee, a good employer, a good husband or wife, certainly a good parent or even a good person had to change. 'Good' had to be watered down to 'Just OK,' for the most part.

Anything that anyone concentrates upon acutely will get done better than anyone who is trying to 'multi-task.' Jonas Salk, the doc who found the cure for Polio in the 1950s wasn't a 'multi-tasker.' Amazing musicians, like your garden variety Arthur Fiedlers, don't get that good without concentrating upon one thing to the exclusion of everything else. And, college students who focus on their grades are going to beat the hell out of a multi-tasker's GPA, unless he or she is up against some "Beautiful Mind" kid who is naturally brilliant.

Let's call it the way it is; don't pour water down my leg and call it rain. People have to earn a living, both parents have to work in a family, and they have to do what they have to do. Sure, Mom and Dad try to keep up with stuff -- maybe they can hold it together for a while but let's talk about the divorce rate while we are at it.

Here is my thesis: People who have too much to do are not the best parents, employees, employers, students, board members, athletic coaches...you name it. People are working so much there are more heart attacks today than ever, because now women are dropping like flies just like men used to back in the day. The 'home' has been utterly destroyed and marriage is nothing more than a speed bump to the next relationship for most people and the only thing that works kind of OK are the bank accounts -- if someone is lucky.

Listen up, living like that is no better than existing the way animals do. Cavemen ran from large predators and took refuge wherever they could. Being warm-blooded, man had the ability to move around anytime, especially during the day, and cold-blooded predators didn't; ergo man wins. But, is the way people are living today any better than scraping around trying to hide from other kinds of cold-blooded predators? People prey on other people these days. Financial institutions prey on people today. The world mankind has made is one that doesn't allow for any kind of quality of life for people trying to scrape by. Hey, if someone gets a bachelor's degree right after high school, now they are in debt like $50,000 before they've made their first dollar.

In the 1940s and 1950s, the Greatest Generation managed to save the world from Nazis, rebuild economies all over the world from World War II, build the great bridges, colleges, dams and structures of our world, establish most of the athletic benchmarks that still exist in many sports and...they made it home for dinner at 5 pm. And, no one can pull off 1/5 of what that generation did despite the fact they have so much technology they could choke a horse. Mom was able to be home and raise the kids during the day, but Dad was there a lot of the time too. Because he didn't have to work like a Coolie on a train track hammering in spikes like today.

The days of women at home? Gone good-bye

Meanwhile, marriage was something of worth. It had value. It was usually for life. The whole world was built upon the fact that American society and culture was wholesome, united and rowing their oars in the same direction. Hey, I am not saying any of us should dial back time or the tides. The world is what we have made of it and it can't go back. Trying to pretend there is some time machine back is ridiculous; besides, a lot of the 'Good Old Days' were pretty bad with racism, sexism and a lot more 'isms.' So, let's not candy coat it either.

But, this world we have all made is suicide, and filled with so little unity and meaning between people, communities and even in this nation that we should be proud of very little by way of the new Great American Society. But, here is an idea, a thought...a bit of what is on my mind: Get off the merry-go-round. Run for your metaphoric life.

Have a job but don't make it your life. Make your life your life. Have a family, and make it work: Be there for your spouse and your kids, and keep to your vows without balking. If you're a coach, it should be because you have the time and everything with your family is fine...actually fine. And school? Newsbreak: It's stressful. Take it easy on school if you have a lot on your plate. Something has to get off your plate before something else jumps on.

People automatically know what 'too much' is. We are born with the knowledge of how much is too much. But, thanks to Oprah, employers, work-out gurus and the movies everyone thinks they are great at multi-tasking. The truth couldn't be farther from the truth. Most people outright suck at multi-tasking and are just doing everything "half-assed," in the language of my late father.

Hey, what is important to you? What is the thing you want more than anything in this world? If it is a family, then have a family. Try to include a partner that isn't disposable. One-parent families produce a lot of incomplete people, whether they know it or not. That is not to say, of course, that someone should hang in there if a partner is abusive or addicted to anything you don't have time for. But, make the real effort, not some half-way attempt at something.

Do you want to be great at work? Great! Don't have kids if you plan on never seeing them or, worse yet, you can't afford them. Then, live at work, order Chinese like it is going out of style, and use those damn sports tickets the company gets too -- you deserve 'em! But, don't make it too complicated. Because when you make your life too complicated with other people, you are going to disappoint them, by and large. I'm not saying everyone will. I know this guy, Clark Kent, he works as a reporter. He can have it all because he was rocketed to earth as a baby from his exploding planet of Krypton. But you? Since you have no super-powers you better slow your damn roll and figure out what you actually can and cannot handle and still be the kind of person you want.

Sure, I drank too much, I worked too much, I worked all the damn time. I went to school while I was drinking too much and working too much. Oh yeah, I tried to have a family too. Meanwhile, I was on so many civic associations I could barely remember them all. The drinking alone didn't do me in. The lifestyle I chose to adopt and the people I chose to put around me were garbage. I was doing everything like my Dad said: "Half-assed." Half the time, I was working too much to even grab a shower every day. Meanwhile, sleep? What the hell was sleep?  Go to the doctor when I was sick? I can't. I was insane.

Of course, I fell down in a real big way. Then, after my houses, cars, wife and mistress were gone (yeah, I was horrible at being a husband), I had all the time in the world. I fell completely into my alcoholism and BANG! No more scheduling problems -- I had all the time in the world. My phone didn't ring anymore. I burned out, though in my case it was spectacularly public.

Nevertheless, the point is that I know how people that do too much feel. They are trying and trying to catch up, but their life is a damn hamster wheel! My suggestion, get the hell off while you can! Find a new sound. Restructure your life so you have quality in your life, with whatever you decide is 'quality.'

In my experience, you know what unhappy people do...for the most part? They become miserable bastards. They are miserable at work, to their neighbors, to their family, employees, friends, check-out clerks at stores -- and telemarketers really get unloaded on. When they 'retire,' they don't enjoy a damn thing either.

There is another way to live, though: Sanely. Pare down your life until it looks the way you want it to be, with the people you want with you on your life's journey while you're not commuting half the day to get to someplace you really don't want to be.

'How do I change my life, everything is too hard?' I can't answer that. You're the guy or gal who got yourself into whatever in the first place; you have to figure a way how to get out. But, if you can get out...if you can do it... it's pretty nice over here. I lost weight, no more bags under the eyes, sober as a judge and don't miss the sauce, closer to God and even my hair is better. Can you believe that? I can't. I sleep nine hours a night like a baby and wake up feeling like a million bucks, despite a whole lot of injuries and conditions I have. I think sleep rewards us with a lot of things...better health and a sense of calm two important benefits. Sure, I still hurt -- but not like when I was trying to kill myself at work.

I am arguing for life being worth living. I am saying you cannot have it all because we are human, so we are not strong enough, smart enough, healthy enough or able enough to do a thousand different things. There was only one perfect man ever made in this world, and we killed him for it. Get out of the prison you made for yourself and get back to basics. No one will ever regret enjoying their life again.

Here is a scene: A man is on his deathbed in the hospital. He looks up at his lovely wife in his last moments and says, "I know I could have made regional manager if I just got that quarterly report in quicker 25 years ago. Now I don't have that job and......" And, he dies. A nice life? Yeah...no. He died years before, buried in his work, but he kept breathing until finally his body caught up.

Be the guy or girl that looks back and smiles when they see their accomplishments, remember their friends, family and even their work. Balance. Balance is important in anything one does. There's no way around it.

Thanks for stopping by, seeya later...alligators.