RETIREMENT: A revolution for me

I started my retirement not so long ago. No, I am not rich, but I am holding my own and I do not think things will get worse, I think they will only get better. But, I am incredibly done with the world and its mayhem and nonsense.

If I retire and change nothing about myself or the world around me, why the hell do I need to retire? I've already dug myself into an early grave in my working life. I'm already disabled from doing my best out there, and I am lucky enough to get out of the working world in one piece, alive and not so disabled I am not yet in a wheelchair full-time. So, I have run on this hamster wheel for 30 years and that has to be done now.

Retirement for me means I have made a commitment to change myself and everything around me. I am going to rediscover health, healthy eating, positivity and positive relationships and do so in environments I feel comfortable in, around people I feel comfortable with. My current 'big project' is me. And, that includes balancing my finances and how I get along in the world.

I am my career now. Note the use of 'I.' There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in retirement.

"OK, let's go the extra mile! When you're body is screaming, power past it! Go!" said my baseball and boxing coach, known eternally as "Coach Mac." He was a badass and he taught me a lot of what I learned about being a man. But, while coach was right about sports preparing his guys for life, his philosophy doesn't cut it in retirement.

Now is not the time to power past the pain. Now is the time to reconcile with our bodies, minds and spirits. Now is not the time for ambition or climbing to the next rung or working all that hard on anything except returning one's self to factory and showroom condition.

If not now...when? When is 'some day' going to happen if not in retirement?

If someone wants to work until they die or work themselves to death, then by all means do so. Then, we don't see eye to eye and that's OK, this is America and people are allowed to disagree.

I proposed a revolution to myself when I contemplated retirement: I no longer live for others, their needs, wants, desires, dramas, careers, health and welfare. I live for my needs, wants, desires, health and welfare. Alright, with that said, what do I want? OK...no one really asked me that before...I guess I want to be healthy again, have good relationships with people, feel well adjusted all the time again and fix my injuries (physical, psychological and spiritual). I want to get closer to God but that doesn't mean going to church.

Then, with that said, there were now tougher choices to make. There were things I had to buy into so that my revolution can work. I have to leave my petty hatreds, jealousies, anger, unhealthy relationships, dramas and most of the old people in my life (not everyone has to do this but I do). I have to remake who I am and live for that new person and transform my world into the positive place I want it to be. And, dragging along old problems and dramas isn't going to let that happen.

I can reconcile all of the leaving behind arguments and dramas in therapy, which I go to loyally.

There are too many children getting raised my grandparents, too many 30-year-old children still depending on parents (even living at their houses), parents who are delaying their exit into retirement because children cannot effectively enter the workforce and start taking care of themselves. And, if that is how people want to live their life...I am not one to get in the way. Then, that is the destiny they made for themselves and their choice. I hope such a course of action allows them whatever they are looking to do.

I choose to not rely on anyone else but me. When my time comes, then I will rely on my health care proxy. But, I will not depend on young people. This generation is horrible with responsibility anyway. I have never seen a worse crop of males, for that matter, and the 'power women' of this generation are more interested in running the world than they caring for anything except...yes...themselves.

I know what I am talking about here. And, I am not being harsh; I am being truthful. And the macro-picture of the world does, to some degree, resemble the micro-picture of my life. No one is going to care for me the way I want except myself. And, I choose not to retire like my Dad (staring at a TV screen until I die a few years later). I choose to use this part of my life to live the greatest journey I ever have: I am going to make things right with my body. I am going to restore myself to the peaceful, positive person I naturally was -- but lost along the way because of all that facing adversity stuff. While I am doing all that, I want to learn to pray like I did when I was eight years old. I want my relationship to God to be as easy as hanging out with a buddy after grade school.

I am seeking to be selfish. There are no two ways about it.

I would love my children to visit. I would love to exchange cards with old colleagues or friends at the holidays. But, that's probably it. I don't want to go back into the trenches that was my life. Nope.

Being there for people emotionally is also a wonderful thing. But, it brings me down and really messes up my day, and I don't need that either. I have to be honest here. When I need to talk about my problems, I go to my psychologist, whom I see regularly, or my pastor, whom I see less regularly. But, I don't put my stuff into my relationships with other people in my personal life. It's going to stay that way too.

Retirement can be the reward each of us has been looking for in our lives. It can be the chance to do all those things you wanted to do in your life. Of course, there isn't the money there that was when I was working: OK. I don't need stress-reliever trips to Puerto Rico or the Amish country anymore. I have been to Virginia and Washington DC dozens of times by now and seen whatever I was actually curious about in my life. Maybe I will move one more time in my life, but that is it basically. Yeah, I look for a warmer climate. Something like Tampa will suit me fine, but no rush.

No hurry.

'Hurry' is over.

I loved some of the things I accomplished in the world. I was really disappointed by some things that happened in the world. But, that was then and this is now.

I want to ballroom dance again with a happy partner. I think I have that one covered, though. I want to either take up Tai Chi again (NOT Yang style) or maybe Yoga (for seniors). I want to have my shoulder repaired and my knees fixed so I can play golf again. And, I want to learn to sew and maybe embroider. If I can walk for fitness, once I have my new knees, that would be swell. If not, I'm going to have to be OK with decreased function...so we'll see. But, no matter what, I am keeping my sense of humor and love of life.

Oh, and in retirement -- there will be romance. Not just masticating pulverized chow in a senior center -- actual romance again: candlelight, low-lit dance floors, warm breezes and nice suits. Sure, it can't be full-court press, but there is room for romance too (albeit on a budget).

Retirement may be my last act, in many ways, but it will be my best one yet. I don't think I really grew up all the way until now, so let the games begin!