'Never Leave Your Ghost Somewhere'

My grandmother, Agnes, was an eccentric woman. Nice. Dutiful. Loved her family. And, very much into all things occult.

Professionally, she was a seamstress in Newark, New Jersey, and worked in one of those poorly ventilated sweat shops there for more than 20 years. It was always sketchy about what happened to her husband, my grandfather, but my mother said simply: "He died."

OK, well, 'Gram,' as we called her, saw a ghost behind every tree, around every corner and she was very adamant about it; utterly convinced of the truth of ghosts. So, one day, I guess I was 5, I asked Gram about why ghosts '...didn't go to heaven?'

She wasn't great with explanations, but she said it like this: "When you have something unresolved in this life that is big, then you leave your ghost behind until you finally resolve it."

I asked what happens if you never resolved it; Gram said, "I don't know."

Pretty grim stuff for a little kid to hear. But, there was a kernel of truth in what she said about needing to get things resolved in your life at some point. Years later, I was a chaplain for a time at Capital Health in Trenton, New Jersey after I finished seminary in New York. I worked with a lot of people who were end-of-life patients: It was something of my specialty.

So, my experience is that when there are big outstanding issues with people, they have a very hard time letting go of life, despite horrible, painful medical situations where it seems improbable anyone can live. And, I have seen those same people pass very serenely if their issues were resolved there in the hospital room with loved ones. It was really quite remarkable.

So, where am I getting at?

Recently, I dealt with a few things hanging around from the old days that really irked me; rented space in my head or whatever you want to call it. And, some things changed. I feel better. I still deal with my medical problems, and they are a burden but, when I got rid of my old business, it felt like 150 pounds was taken off my shoulders.

It felt and feels awesome.

You see, I pray and meditate now, and even do a little bit of the Tai Chi katas I used to take at Amato's Karate, in Hazlet. I gave up booze, caffeine, tobacco and dairy and it has been great. But, getting myself back in total (mind, body, spirit), for me, means clearing up the old business.

I like to think I am not superstitious but maybe that's not true. Because one of the reasons I have always felt weighed down by old issues was what my grandmother said about "leaving my ghost behind." Hey, I love life but I firmly believe in heaven and when I pass that is where I want to go, not rattling chains in some K-Mart or suburban McMansion.

Psychologically and emotionally, all of the occult theater aside, I also think it is very good to unburden myself to take part in the next great part of my life: Retirement. It is a return to childhood in some ways. The focus becomes me again, as well as those I love. This is my time to engage in the "Happily Ever After" I have always been looking for myself.  To travel lighter for this journey, I am working very hard on getting rid of the old, icky karma and allowing myself to experience joy and serenity again, in earnest, and for good.

I know, my approach is a little 'Zen,' but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better. I laugh now. I never get angry at anything. I don't need to feed bad habits anymore -- I don't have them. And, I spend a lot of my day thinking about calories I am eating and how many calories the carbohydrates in water enhancer there may be. I want to keep it pretty basic now. And, that is why leaving the complexities of the old life are a good idea, not only for me but for anyone looking to turn over a new leaf, so to speak.

I saw Michelle Obama got her AARP card recently. I get mine in another year and change. I look forward to it. It is a metaphorical ticket to the rest of my life. And, I look forward to it. So, congratulations to Michelle: Hip, Hip, Hooray!

I have droned on enough for one night. So, thanks for stopping by. Best of luck and health, so seeya later, alligator.