DANCING: More than Just a Tradition

Why don't people dance anymore? People have been dancing, alone or in pairs, since the first caveman threw the first-ever rock at the second-ever caveman. It has been the traditional way boys meet girls, or even one of the ways men meet women in a social situation.

When I was a kid, I liked Metal and Disco. Metal had a great sound and, where it involved Disco, it was  awesome because I liked to dance with girls. And, when girls went out to dance...well...they usually looked OK. So, I'm on the record: Disco is fine by me.

And, for a while there, the Disco phenomenon of the mid- to late-1970s was literally all over the place. No matter what television channel you turned to there were the Solid Gold Dancers (not hard on the eyes for a teen), some Disco music show or other, or some promotion for any one of a hundred different dance instructors pushing a record and booklet (yeah, remember that?).

I didn't mind...I liked to dance because I wanted to spend as much 'face time' with girls as I could possibly get, really to figure out how I could date them. My mother had made me be her dance partner (when my father and older brother wouldn't do it) since I was like 7 years old, so I learned how to dance some; it paid off. At the time, though, the last thing I wanted to do was spend an hour or so three or four times a week dancing with my Mom.

Nevertheless, I owed Mom for that one, for out of the toils of labor sprang forth the fruit of hope -- I could dance and not fall over myself and that was appealing to girls who liked to dance. I was a polite kid, too, and that helped. So, I threw myself headlong into Disco, bought the clothes and all, and went to every school and church dance there was that I could get into for an event. I even went to church dances at places I didn't go to church at whatsoever.

Why? Girls.

Then, one day, something terrible happened: A radio station, during the late 1970s (I think), in New York was sponsoring a "Metal Rally," wherein event-goers would bring their vinyl Disco records to Shea Stadium and the records would be ceremonially burned to loudly announce the "Death of Disco."

What? What the hell were they talking about? What does anyone have against getting dressed-up and dancing?

Surveying the likes of the 'Metal Horde,' I couldn't help but notice that, in many instances, hygiene was an outstanding issue and there was a decided lack of girls in their ranks. There certainly wasn't any dancing and all 'Metal Heads' did was listen to music and bob their heads up-and-down. When there was a girl Metal Head...well ...she was usually dressed down, to say the least.

Later on that changed as Metal got more sophisticated, in the 1980s. But, up front, in the beginning, the whole concept kind of sucked for me. I couldn't see the use for music I sat down for three or four hours to listen to and didn't get up once from my seat to do anything. And, why? To sit in an auditorium with thousands of other people and bob my head up-and-down? Are you kidding me? I could buy the record and save the ticket price.

So Metal won. During the '80s there was a big revival of dancing for a while, but it was nothing like Disco. Nevertheless, as a young man I would find any nearby Disco and close the joint out if I didn't have to work the next day.

During my father's day, even the most uncoordinated wallflower, if someone with a gun pointed to his head told him to do so, could pull off a box-step if they had to do it. But then again, someone brandishing a firearm to make someone dance isn't likely to happen outside a Mexican cantina in a Spaghetti Western. Nevertheless, there is cinematic precedent for that, if not a precedent rooted in non-movie history.

As I got older, I still danced but not as often. I wasn't a "dancing with myself" kind of guy. From what I remembered when I danced with Mom, even though dancing was intended to be fun, couples usually practiced so they looked good on the dance floor.

Hey, look at that! A relationship-building event! And, it's one where both people are interacting with each other, working toward common goals, three or four times a week. It's these kinds of things that help to make marriages and relationships stronger between men and women, or even same-sex partners (God bless them).

Americans worship going to work, though, and they work more than any European country and have less to show for it in the bank. When people do their best to work 24 hours per day and they are paid a salary, as white-collar people usually are, then they sometimes throw themselves into the work and 'to hell' with anything else.

You know, I'm just chirping in here...but that idea absolutely bites in my book. Why do people work? So, our choices for an answer are: A. To afford a full life, which includes friends, family and maybe even a significant other; or B. To work one's self into an early grave with just a few close family members and one or two friends, the significant other can either wait or be patient with their time 'constraints.'

Actually, I stole a few girls from other fellas who subscribed to 'Option B,' I don't mind saying.

I love dancing, but getting involved with any hobby or pastime with a significant other is really important to building relationships and staying in close contact with your other half. You know, relationships commonly break-up due to many reasons. Often cited as common reasons couples go their separate ways are: 1. Money, 2. Sex, 3. Jealousy, 4. Started leading separate lives, and 5. Arguing too much.

Well, dancing can't help out the 'money' category. So, at some point, people have to work to live (it's a time-honored tradition). However, in my experience, sex and dancing have a correlation. It's hard to be jealous about a significant other if you're dancing partners -- because you're spending a lot of time with each other. Also, it is not possible to lead a 'separate life' when you are dancing with each other regularly. You can't dance with anyone from another room. You cannot buy an app for your phone to dance with your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend. Finally, if two people can cooperate on a dance floor then the chances are they can cooperate with each other more than adequately in their real lives.

I am not saying that dancing is the Holy Grail of relationships. I am promoting it as good exercise, a nice relationship builder and enjoyable pastime. Of course, anyone should check with their doctor before starting any exercise/dance program. You wouldn't want your partner to fall over from a coronary or break a hip.

As for me, though, I plan on using my retirement to become an elderly Arthur Murray after I get my own orthopedic issues ironed out with my doctors.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and all the best!

READY...SET...GET OLD!

Good health at any age is important

Aging is a son of a gun, folks, I'm here to tell you. Well, I'm not exactly an actual senior citizen yet; I am a disabled veteran who is right on the half-century mark but effectively deals with most of the things seniors do insofar as mobility and diminished mental facilities (e.g. recall). And, it's not getting better so I have to live with it, and it is what it is at this point.
Someone got mad at me not so long ago for using 'it is what it is.' I don't know why, but if anyone reading this gets upset, let me tell you what that means: it's not going to get any better and it's as good as it's going to get and it isn't horrible. Yep, that's a good, tight definition there.

So, my head got beat around pretty good when I was a soldier and I received multiple concussions. At first it was no big deal, the years went on and the effects of the concussions weren't too much at first. I had some tremors and a few seizures, which I didn't know were seizures at the time, and I just went on. Then, as I neared my mid-40s, the wheels fell off of the memory, tremor and seizure thing pretty good.

Today, I cannot take my memory for granted. I have to carry a notebook with me at all times or use my smartphone to record things as they happen: write down addresses, important phone numbers, key instructions, appointments. Because though my pride wants to say I can remember things, my brain is laying it all right out there and saying it can't. And, you know what they say about pride going before the fall; that stuff is as true a .45 caliber pistol at 15 feet. It's also as deadly.

Pride and vanity amounts to foolishness (said the fool who was so proud and vain in his life). Still, the Lord dealt with me by sending me out into the wastelands of the United States as what amounted to a wandering beggar for my sins. I just hope I've done enough to not have to go back to that ever again. One way not to is to cut it out with the pride nonsense.

Then there are my bad knees, which are pretty bad and they both have to be replaced. I'm lucky to be walking and am grateful to the Lord for having the mobility I do. But, I have to make use of those knees for now. So, how do I do that? Right off the bat, I plan my life accordingly.

I live less than a mile from where I work and there are paved roads with wide, nice sidewalks between where I live and there. My second-floor apartment has an elevator that goes down to the floor. I schedule my transportation needs around the facility shuttle that goes here and there for residents. I do not exceed the limits of my body's ability for any reason other than a legitimate emergency, and I stay in regular contact with my health care providers, among them my general practitioner and physical medicine doctors.

There's a laundry list of other junk that's wrong with me, but let's keep it to the concussions and the knees (I wish). Because there are a number of seniors who have recollection problems and mobility issues. The other stuff is kind of specific to me and most seniors don't have those issues.

However, I do not any longer say, 'Oh, but I used to be able to do this or that.' Those days are just yellowed pages of a history book that neither I nor anyone else cares about anymore. It is so much more refreshing and gratifying living in the world as it presents itself now. Everyone wants to be young again. No one likes being older than younger. But, here is the stone cold fact: Younger people are more athletic than older people, by and large and with some exceptions. Nevertheless, if you play baseball and bat against Sandy Koufax when he was 22 you're probably not going to get a hit. Take the same situation and you're batting against Sandy Koufax when he's 55 -- well, your odds have gone up immeasurably.

Is it time to rethink eating habits?

Remember how you used to be able to get upset? Rant and rave, scream and shout? Throw balled up napkins at the television when your football team gave up a touchdown? Well, today, that could significantly contribute to your blood pressure rising and that behavior isn't a great idea from a health perspective.

Old age or infirmity makes us become better people or, if we don't, we die. It is a strange kind of natural selection. If someone is dumb enough not to take care of themselves after a certain age -- well -- they get very sick, or injured, or die. I don't want any part of any one of those things.

Let's talk about eating unhealthy (e.g. junk food), smoking and drinking alcohol...yeah, it's so obvious I don't even need to say the words. Go to the damn doctor and let the man or woman do their job and make the necessary recommendations and referrals to qualified nutritionists and other professionals.

As an older person, life has to change. You have to have a plan for staying vital, because a "...failure to prepare is preparing to fail," in the words of the immortal UCLA Coach John Wooden. There is no reason why older Americans cannot be healthy and vital into their 80s, but it will not happen by accident or good genes. It will happen because someone is living a predictable lifestyle, planned just for them by their medical team. And, that might mean exercise, vitamins, physical therapy, naps, rest, medications, increased hydration...whatever.

Of course, there is always what is sure, as an option. What is sure is that, if someone does not drop their bad habits at a certain point in their lives, those bad habits might just claim their lives. And, for anyone who thinks that is a good idea there are therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists that could probably help you find a better solution for yourself than letting yourself fall into a pile of spare parts.

No one is in the workplace at a certain point. OK, that is a whole other part of the world. The work world exists on a whole other planet than we are on. The battle of the fittest is certainly strong and going on there. And, those people go through a whole other set of priorities than older people who are out of the workforce.

So, if you're comparing yourself to these people: Stop! There is a battle of the fittest going on with seniors too. He who retires longest, with the greatest health, comfort and quality of life wins! OK, now that retirement has been made appropriately competitive for some, let's get the idea across that the foundation of a healthy mind, body and soul begins with your body.

Just because we get older doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the same things, albeit in a different way, than before. And, frankly, some of the bad habits from our youth or even middle age were heading for the scrap-heap anyway -- so now is as good a time as any to get rid of them.

I'm not giving you more of the same 'blah, blah, blah,' I'm saying it straight -- there is nothing magical about restoring yourself to the best health you can enjoy. Go to your darn doctor, listen to what they say, do what they say and, of course, if you want a second opinion then by all means. But, these people go to school for quite a while to know what they're talking about and I plan on making mine bust a sweat because I'm asking so many questions.

Any of us only has one life. One body. One spirit. One mind. It's time to be positive and stop self-pity if there is any of that going on about getting older. You can take hold of your aging process somewhat (God has an awful lot to say about it too, after all) and get positive about helping yourself. Of course, by helping yourself you help everyone around you also.

As I come to this part of the road, I look down the path some -- as much as I can see. And, if I do not get myself together for this part of the journey, it's not going to be much fun...let's just say it like that. Yet, after busting my ass for more than 30 years pushing myself to the absolute limit physically and psychologically there has to be a payoff before I go to the dirt -- besides from being pushed around by a lot of kids in senior facilities that could care less about me than how much they can get for me from my Social Security before I die.

I worked in places like that, not too long ago, so no one needs to argue against that point to me. You'd be more successfully arguing with a wall. In retirement, as in the rest of life, the only one who is going to make sure that you are taken care of, for sure, is yourself and maybe your spouse. If you are very lucky, members of your family (and God bless the good ones).

I wish the best to everyone as usual, and hope that someone gets something out of these little rants of mine. Of course, if not, I really couldn't care less. You see, I'm too old to be aggravated about anything; that asks for energy I would rather spend elsewhere. But, all the best!

THE DEVIL! The Untold Story

It's just another day at the office for the Devil in this depiction.

Is there a Devil? Emphatically 'Yes' and I've seen him.

Lucifer is, of course, the Devil. Lucifer is reported to be a fallen angel, who rebelled against God and was cast down to Hell with his followers, who became demons in the Pit (as Hell is also known). The Archangel, Saint Michael, is reputed to have bested the Devil/Fallen One in personal combat, sending him reeling in defeat. So now, Lucifer's 'job,' if you will, is luring and tricking humanity into straying from the righteous path of God. At this, he has much practice and many instances of success.

It is said that, in Hell, his domain, Satan/the Devil tortures the souls of the damned for all time, as they pay for their sins in his fiery realm. Satan has been depicted as having a ram's horns growing from his head, possessing a tail, with his feet being replaced by cloven hooves as he carries a pitchfork to reap the souls of the wayward.

I have not seen that Devil. I have seen the Devil in me, as I ruined my life with pride, lust, addiction, avarice, greed, envy and sloth. Yes, I have seen that Devil, and he has been a fearsome foe my whole life long. I have battled him and fought him and I have won some and lost a lot. Hopefully, though, my story is finished with a final victory after being in retreat after a score of humiliating defeats. It sounds a little like the American Revolution there, doesn't it?

How many times I was passive as the Devil attacked my psyche and my life I cannot recall. How many times he stole love, my home, integrity, faith and loved ones right out in front of me just when I thought I might find my way back. Make no mistake, the Devil I am talking about is far more dangerous than a distorted vision of humanity. The Devil that I believe is there dwells not within a fiery realm, but within our own hearts, our own minds. He is the worst parts of ourselves, which has been turned into a character in religion.

Oh, it doesn't matter what form the Devil may take. He lives and breathes and is there, on the job, every single day our eyes awake to this better-than-all-other-worlds planet. And, Lucifer will claim your soul, if you let him. The greatest victory ever won by Satan was that he got people to believe he doesn't exist. Well, he does. The Devil is in my heart and yours. No one of the flesh is without sin, and as we battle our personal demons -- we fight the Devil in earnest. When any of us fights against the Devil, they fight an awful challenger but one that can be defeated.


Faith is a real part of our own salvation. How can it not be?

I'm not going to say that running to a Church is the way to go, or running into a therapist's office, though those are good ideas for a balanced life, no doubt, I think. The greatest gift and curse mankind ever got was free will. Each of us determines what is right or wrong for themselves, and God gave that to us. In history, there have been evil men who thought they should regulate people's freedom and they are the worst sort, whom I hope reaped their rewards for such a heinous atrocity.

Nevertheless, freedom belongs to every soul born on this earth. But, behind every decision we make stands the Devil, trying hard to influence what path we take. So, I believe if someone is doing what they can, within a reasonable understanding, to be healthy (regardless of how well or not well they pursued this before), and they are seeking or pursuing actual medical treatment for their ills, they are on the road to salvation.  If someone is making a legitimate effort to reconnect with their higher power, regardless in what form that effort takes, then I think that person is on the road to salvation. Because someone fighting to come back from hard times through faith and trust in their higher power is a moving target that is going to escape the grasp of evil more times than not. It's faith that saves them, and why not call that response by God 'Amazing Grace' while we're at it.

In my experience, it is hunger, anger, loneliness and being tired that sparks bad decisions in the moment. However, poverty, illness, injury, addiction, unemployment, homelessness, hunger, fear, loss and hard times can be the setting that will fan the flames of poor decision making. By addressing the real needs each of us have in this world, then we make ourselves stronger against the tide of evil and not weaker.

For myself, I never believed any person, be it pastor, pope, pontiff or Presbyterian, has any more of a connection to God than I do when I wake up and greet Him good morning. When I pray to God, I do not need to be in a Church with incense burning (though that is a lovely environment). God hears me just fine, and that comes with Him being omniscient.



Heading back to sanity is our choice.

All I have to do is try. But, I have to try to make my own life better using that free will that so often got my ass in trouble in the first place. Irony, isn't it?

Rather than using my free will to find a liquor store or talk shit, start a fight or stagger down a street, I have to use that free will to eat healthy, listen to my doctors and do my best in all things. And, that is work. Recovery is not always fun, but it has phenomenal rewards. It is living responsibly and living in such a way makes me a harder target for the Devil to hit. The target becomes even harder to hit when I reach my hands out to come home to the Lord, in my case. I've reconciled with God and my soul is calmer -- and I did it without sending even one well-dressed minister lunch money. Yeah, God doesn't need money.

I would be missing the point of this whole journey if I ever forgot that I was as bad a sinner as there has been. No, not the greatest sinner, but a sinner no less. I don't think being is a sinner is like taking karate, where you get belts to show ranks. I am no better than an alcoholic in the throes of his or her illness because I do not drink for today. It is the brokenness that engulfed me that has given me the want to reach out to people and help in the little ways one person can to another. Yes, I lead a better life today, a sane one, a rational one and one rooted in faith for the God that slept beside me when I was homeless, living in a snow-bound hobo camp in Nebraska during the winter of 2011. Yes, He was there.

So, in my life, I have seen God and the Devil. Both of them are as real to me as my next-door neighbor. Both of them have business with me, but it is up to me whether I listen to my better angels or fall prey to my darker ones. In the end, though, it's all my choice.

RETIREMENT: A revolution for me

I started my retirement not so long ago. No, I am not rich, but I am holding my own and I do not think things will get worse, I think they will only get better. But, I am incredibly done with the world and its mayhem and nonsense.

If I retire and change nothing about myself or the world around me, why the hell do I need to retire? I've already dug myself into an early grave in my working life. I'm already disabled from doing my best out there, and I am lucky enough to get out of the working world in one piece, alive and not so disabled I am not yet in a wheelchair full-time. So, I have run on this hamster wheel for 30 years and that has to be done now.

Retirement for me means I have made a commitment to change myself and everything around me. I am going to rediscover health, healthy eating, positivity and positive relationships and do so in environments I feel comfortable in, around people I feel comfortable with. My current 'big project' is me. And, that includes balancing my finances and how I get along in the world.

I am my career now. Note the use of 'I.' There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in retirement.

"OK, let's go the extra mile! When you're body is screaming, power past it! Go!" said my baseball and boxing coach, known eternally as "Coach Mac." He was a badass and he taught me a lot of what I learned about being a man. But, while coach was right about sports preparing his guys for life, his philosophy doesn't cut it in retirement.

Now is not the time to power past the pain. Now is the time to reconcile with our bodies, minds and spirits. Now is not the time for ambition or climbing to the next rung or working all that hard on anything except returning one's self to factory and showroom condition.

If not now...when? When is 'some day' going to happen if not in retirement?

If someone wants to work until they die or work themselves to death, then by all means do so. Then, we don't see eye to eye and that's OK, this is America and people are allowed to disagree.

I proposed a revolution to myself when I contemplated retirement: I no longer live for others, their needs, wants, desires, dramas, careers, health and welfare. I live for my needs, wants, desires, health and welfare. Alright, with that said, what do I want? OK...no one really asked me that before...I guess I want to be healthy again, have good relationships with people, feel well adjusted all the time again and fix my injuries (physical, psychological and spiritual). I want to get closer to God but that doesn't mean going to church.

Then, with that said, there were now tougher choices to make. There were things I had to buy into so that my revolution can work. I have to leave my petty hatreds, jealousies, anger, unhealthy relationships, dramas and most of the old people in my life (not everyone has to do this but I do). I have to remake who I am and live for that new person and transform my world into the positive place I want it to be. And, dragging along old problems and dramas isn't going to let that happen.

I can reconcile all of the leaving behind arguments and dramas in therapy, which I go to loyally.

There are too many children getting raised my grandparents, too many 30-year-old children still depending on parents (even living at their houses), parents who are delaying their exit into retirement because children cannot effectively enter the workforce and start taking care of themselves. And, if that is how people want to live their life...I am not one to get in the way. Then, that is the destiny they made for themselves and their choice. I hope such a course of action allows them whatever they are looking to do.

I choose to not rely on anyone else but me. When my time comes, then I will rely on my health care proxy. But, I will not depend on young people. This generation is horrible with responsibility anyway. I have never seen a worse crop of males, for that matter, and the 'power women' of this generation are more interested in running the world than they caring for anything except...yes...themselves.

I know what I am talking about here. And, I am not being harsh; I am being truthful. And the macro-picture of the world does, to some degree, resemble the micro-picture of my life. No one is going to care for me the way I want except myself. And, I choose not to retire like my Dad (staring at a TV screen until I die a few years later). I choose to use this part of my life to live the greatest journey I ever have: I am going to make things right with my body. I am going to restore myself to the peaceful, positive person I naturally was -- but lost along the way because of all that facing adversity stuff. While I am doing all that, I want to learn to pray like I did when I was eight years old. I want my relationship to God to be as easy as hanging out with a buddy after grade school.

I am seeking to be selfish. There are no two ways about it.

I would love my children to visit. I would love to exchange cards with old colleagues or friends at the holidays. But, that's probably it. I don't want to go back into the trenches that was my life. Nope.

Being there for people emotionally is also a wonderful thing. But, it brings me down and really messes up my day, and I don't need that either. I have to be honest here. When I need to talk about my problems, I go to my psychologist, whom I see regularly, or my pastor, whom I see less regularly. But, I don't put my stuff into my relationships with other people in my personal life. It's going to stay that way too.

Retirement can be the reward each of us has been looking for in our lives. It can be the chance to do all those things you wanted to do in your life. Of course, there isn't the money there that was when I was working: OK. I don't need stress-reliever trips to Puerto Rico or the Amish country anymore. I have been to Virginia and Washington DC dozens of times by now and seen whatever I was actually curious about in my life. Maybe I will move one more time in my life, but that is it basically. Yeah, I look for a warmer climate. Something like Tampa will suit me fine, but no rush.

No hurry.

'Hurry' is over.

I loved some of the things I accomplished in the world. I was really disappointed by some things that happened in the world. But, that was then and this is now.

I want to ballroom dance again with a happy partner. I think I have that one covered, though. I want to either take up Tai Chi again (NOT Yang style) or maybe Yoga (for seniors). I want to have my shoulder repaired and my knees fixed so I can play golf again. And, I want to learn to sew and maybe embroider. If I can walk for fitness, once I have my new knees, that would be swell. If not, I'm going to have to be OK with decreased function...so we'll see. But, no matter what, I am keeping my sense of humor and love of life.

Oh, and in retirement -- there will be romance. Not just masticating pulverized chow in a senior center -- actual romance again: candlelight, low-lit dance floors, warm breezes and nice suits. Sure, it can't be full-court press, but there is room for romance too (albeit on a budget).

Retirement may be my last act, in many ways, but it will be my best one yet. I don't think I really grew up all the way until now, so let the games begin!

WIRED: Facebook is dead?

New Study: Teen are marching to a new beat on social media.

According to WIRED Staff Writer Ryan Tate, "Facebook Is 'Dead and Buried' to Teens, and That's Just Fine For Facebook." Ryan cites anthropologist Daniel Miller, who has been studying Britain's teens, ages 16- to 18-years old. Miller reportedly conducted a 15-month-long ethnographic study of social media in eight countries.

What Miller allegedly discovered was that Facebook has become "uncool" to teens because it has become so widely accepted by parents and older Americans, as a means of keeping in touch with relatives and the like.

Of course, any company that is publicly traded ceases being considered "rogue" or "inside" by anyone. And, young people enjoy many things, prominently social media among them, that are their own; less a part of the cultural mainstream as they are part of the teen-age 'scene,' if you will.

On Social Media Bulldog, Staff Writer Ben Baggett is quick to come to Facebook's defense, saying that even though teen usage of Facebook is on the decline by teens, the number of them using Facebook still amounts to "total penetration" by that demographic. Baggett is asking the question: "Facebook is no longer the fashionable network for teens, yet they are still using the service. Why?"

Why, indeed.

Other social media outlets have been noted by Baggett as realizing increases in usage as Facebook slowly slips from the mantle of top 'teen destination.' Those outlets include: Pinterest, which has increased 6 percent; Twitter, which is 2 percent more popular; Instagram, which is 4 percent more popular; and LinkedIn, which is also 2 percent more popular.

While the teeny bopper bunch may be snubbing their nose to Facebook in droves, Baggett quoted a Pew study that stated usage by 20-24 year olds has also dropped, from 63 percent to 52 percent. Oh no, what will become of the world should Facebook not be popular!? OMG what will my BFF do? No more ROTFL or TTYL on Facebook-- ah, the good old days

Facebook is a good way to keep in touch with friends and family who are living far away, though. And, proving that Facebook has now become the 'anti-cool,' use of the service by those in the 35-44 age group has steadily increased over the past year.

Still, teens should bang the drum slowly and wear their black armbands, as their once-beloved social media hub is now crawling with middle-aged people who are trying to keep in touch with one another, as well as their kids and other family. How could it have happened? Well, I suppose I could offer the opinion that, at some point, everything and everyone grows up if they want to stick around for a long time.

More than any other society on this planet, Americans despise middle- and old-age, and people who fit into those categories too. Though many people are just as competent, or even more so, as when they were 25 or 35, still so many doors slam in the face of older workers.

In my experience, older people are 'allowed' to mop up and clean, empty this or that, help by cleaning bedpans or 'greeting' people in stores -- but many professional positions actually become barred to them as those gray or silver hairs start collecting along their sideburns and temple.

So it is only natural that when Facebook started growing its own gray hairs, it too was pushed to that part of the bus reserved for seniors set upon masticating the Denny's 'early bird special' and catching a nice, slow walk around the mall.

COPING WITH PHYSICAL INJURY...'CHARLIE MIKE'

Pablo Picasso self-portrait

"Charlie Mike" is an expression I learned in the U.S. Army, which simply means "continue mission." However, it is also an answer to things that are important during times of decision. For example, if someone were to say to themselves, 'It's too cold out to go running this morning, I don't want to do it.' Then, there is this little voice in the back of your head that yells to get the heck out of bed and stop sniveling; that is Charlie Mike.

Any athlete or physical fitness enthusiast knows about determination through adversity -- all kinds of adversity. However, though Charlie Mike is tough to apply to healthy athletes at all times, it is even harder to apply to injured athletes or physically active people recovering from injury. Sure, all of us should do what we have to do, whether that is physical conditioning or in recovery. Recovery can be very hard, though, depending upon the injury. And, there are times when it takes a real kick in someone's ass to get them on track. Unfortunately, only the individual concerned can provide that kick in the ass, for the most part.

When I was a paratrooper in the U.S. Army, I was in supremely good physical condition, and after the Army I pursued a physically active lifestyle that included a reasonable amount of conditioning. I had been injured on multiple occasions while I was in the service but nothing was really manifesting as permanent. Specifically, I had injured my shoulder and knees, as well as my head. But, then one day -- those bad knees raised their ugly head.

I was running along Martin Luther King Boulevard in Tampa, Florida in a one-mile run (which I did a few times a week) and, while running across an overpass, my left knee just went out like it had been hit by a shotgun blast. I had no idea what happened. I was shocked, confused and scared -- all at once. I reasoned, 'This must be a mistake.' So, I tried to get up...and that left knee was not going to walk: period.

My house was about a half-mile away, not too far away from the stadium where the Buccaneers play. Consequently, I limped home slowly, my left leg as useless as a dead piece of wood. It was excruciating. And, my right knee was barking like mad compensating for the left one. All of a sudden, my life went from another nice jog on a sunny day to 'What the Hell is happening!?'

Eventually I got home, of course. I called out from work and went to the Tampa Veteran's Administration hospital there in town and some Doc said my knees (both of them) were over-used. I said they couldn't be, I had a nice, reasonable schedule of fitness but nothing crazy. Well, my days giving 110-percent to my Uncle Sam had come back home to roost.

Now came the real issue in recovery: Beyond giving my knees "a rest," as the Doc said, how was I going to be able to trust my knees again not to let me down out there on the road while running or jogging? As a soldier, and before I entered the Army when I was an athlete, I had come to take my knees for granted -- pushing them to do whatever they had to do. Now, though, things were different.

Someone who is healthy and whose parts all work can sometimes feel unbeatable; I did. But, injury creates doubt in the mind of someone with their closest friend -- they're body. A body part gone 'rogue,' as I saw it, was no better than a cheating spouse or a door-to-door used vacuum cleaner salesman. I couldn't trust either the cheating spouse or the salesman as far as I could throw them, so now the same could be said of my knee. Without that trust, how the heck was I going to run on it?

The way the story goes, I never did trust it again and I never ran on the thing. Eventually, my left shoulder injury made itself large and in-charge and I, similarly, stopped trusting it and gave into the injury. The knees giving way happened just a few years after the military, in my late 20s. The shoulder made itself apparent again in my late 30s. Only now, at almost 50, have I decided to deal with these once and for all, up to and including surgery.

I was frightened. I was scared of my own body. I felt like it betrayed me and couldn't be trusted anymore. It had let me down. And, then I let these let-downs become a part of my depression and then I was off to the races: full-time, all-the-time self-pity. I wasn't shy about telling anyone how miserable I was about being all gimpy. I reckon I enjoyed doing that a lot, because I said the same stuff for almost 10 years. Someone can shovel a lot of BS over a decade, and I did.

What I did was allow my injuries to control me. I took that ride to the illogical conclusion of having to give up on my physicality (and that sure as hell doesn't look good in a mirror, folks). It was not a physical obstacle that took me out of this game, it was a mental one -- a psychological one.

In my day-to-day life, people who know me would tell you I have big trust issues, just like a lot of people do. But, what does it say when someone does not even trust their own body not to perform, so they just stop an activity altogether. I know I am not the only one who has done that.

So where is the advice here? OK, here it is: Go to the doctor, get treated in whatever way competent medical doctors come up with, do what you are told during recovery....but then it's back to Charlie Mike and get our ass out of bed again to fight for what is yours -- your body.

No, I didn't fight for mine. I took counsel in my fears; and you know what that got me? Nothing. A size 44 waist and a body weight I do not feel comfortable sharing with the world. The price for not getting back in the saddle after an injury is becoming someone you might not have envisioned yourself to become.

I'm not saying this is an easy thing, to hop back up on the horse again. But, it is really the only thing. Of course, always clear your work-out regime with your doctor first, but at some point it comes to getting your ass going and not fretting anymore about what's going to work or not. Not everything in life is going to be easy.

I see people who have overcome horrible injuries all the time, doing well and being an example of what can happen if hard work is combined with determination. Sadly, I was not among those people in earlier years. Though I may not be a young buck anymore, I have decided to do as best as I can today to get back into shape. Sure, maybe I missed the train when I was a young man, but I just caught the late shuttle is all. It is never too late to try in this life until you're taking a dirt nap. And, that is the truth.

Work with medical professionals, though. Do not try to do anything alone where it involves an injury. Trying to be one's own doctor is insane: Don't do it. Go to a doctor, do what they recommend and get through whatever you have to because if you ignore your body -- well, your body won't go away but there sure as hell will be a lot more of it.

Have a happy new year everyone. All the best.

The Great American Journey -- in your own backyard

I like the image of a train for discussing a new year: it reminds me about the mobility of people -- lives -- but at the same time each of us takes what we want with us on our journeys.

As part of my 'schtick' I talk about reconciliation and loss a lot; moving on to another day after times have been hard. There is a lot in my writing about redemption and God too. Well, that is my walk of life so it is not unusual that it is also the direction of my writings these days.

Perhaps my generation (b. 1966) was among the last to even be aware that singer Willie Guthrie was famous for being more than just Arlo's father. Oh, and if you're not following me at this point about the Guthries -- look them up because they are worth the read, or find a "Call of Duty" game site to read and leave mine off your list.

This year has meant a lot to me, personally.

Since 2009, I lived through a lot that I thought I wouldn't have to do in this life, not at this point anyway. The issues of being poor and homeless, sick and injured, turned out and given up upon, have never really been on my radar -- these things never touched my life before. I never thought they would happen to me: Famous last words.

Well, they did. I was a real-life, bona fide hobo, bum, alcoholic -- rummy -- who lived in the woods and drank my dinner, consorted with the worst of people and found the robes of our Lord somewhere in the deepest dark. It can happen.

It happened to me.

Hard times taught me about humanity some -- sure did. These times have also taught me that placing even one false friend or relative in my wake is begging for trouble. This can bring you as much trouble as trying to believe in religion, politics or TV ministers. I don't have enough time for that, and I don't believe anyone else does either.

I can pray for people, but I don't need them messing up my life. And, though I will pray for people, I sure as Hell won't pray to them or their idea about what is right or wrong for me. It was my trust in Pop Culture, plastic friends and silly kids that put me in the deepest hole I have ever been in and it was only by renouncing those beliefs that I started to climb the heck back out. The only thing worth anything at all that my old man told me growing up was that "every time someone stabs you in the back in this world is a dress rehearsal for every other time they're going to do it as well." I'll give it to Pop, at least he got that right.

What Pop had no idea about is appreciating the beauty around each of us every time the sun decides to show up in the morning. I relish this more than ever, especially as I start nearing my twilight years bit by bit. Yes, there are some spectacular sunrises and sunsets that should be caught, by all means. And, praying to and being near the Almighty has helped me more than unlimited data on my Smartphone -- that is also for sure. So now I will go back to Willie Guthrie and singing about the Great Expanse of the United States: It's still here. Yet, the greatest expanse -- the land of a million journeys -- isn't just along railcars and hobo camps (which still exist -- let me tell you).

No, the greatest journeys happen in our hearts and for our spirits in this life, as they make their way round one turn and down another straight away and loop around yet again. You don't need to travel a million miles to find something new and brilliant every day -- you just have to open your eyes and pay attention.

It took me almost 50 years -- a half century -- to stop trying to keep up with being the man society and late-night television wanted me to be. It almost drove me nuts trying to stay 'successful' in a world that is as true as a $3 hooker on pay day at a mining camp. And, impressing this world has nothing to do with being close to God or even one's self. So, rather than try to reconcile all this nonsense -- I try to just live simply today, with God and my loved ones near me, just trying to get by every day and appreciating those sunsets a little more every time I get to see one -- especially a good one.

Happy New Year -- and I hope you take the time to shut out the world a little more this year, and catch some of those sunsets yourself.

God Bless

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!



MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL GOODNIGHT! Back on 12/28: GOD BLESS!



It came upon a midnight clear

My Dad was 10 in 1929, when the worlds of so many people he knew crashed all around him during the “Great Crash,” and that event is widely believed to have caused the Great Depression. If someone doesn’t understand the references, look it up -- I’m not teaching history here.

Well, 2009 might as well have been the Great Crash for me. Then, 2011 was really the end of my old life, which wasn’t so bad really. Between 2011 and 2013 I found my bottom, and was it a pip.

This column isn’t about what was lost, though. Because people lose things; all kinds of things get lost over time, from people to things, money and possessions, reputations and dreams. It is truly a wonderful life, but not everything is going to turn out sweet as pie at all times.

As advice, I would say people are the worst investment I ever put stock in, by and large. Still, if I hadn’t done that, went through the good times and the very hard ones, seen what hell looked like from the cheap seats and found some kind of redemption along the way -- well, it wouldn’t have been the life I am so very proud of and pleased about.

Here is a news break for the kids out there, or those who have suffered getting hit in the head with something big and heavy: Hard times comes and hard times go. Sometimes, plans work for people and sometimes they don’t. No one can control the world around them and believing they can will do nothing but disappoint someone and make them cry for a long time  But, the good news is very good: There is something good even in hard times, the worst of hard times.

I am never going to get back the things I lost in this life, but do any of us actually ‘own’ anything anyway? We rent our houses, which will eventually be owned by someone else. We only handle ‘our money’ because, eventually, it always ends up in someone else’s pocket: Last time I checked no one has a checking account in either heaven or hell. Loved ones, for as hurtful as it can be, will come and go more often than anyone wants. But through everything, if you can find and keep yourself -- you own everything you ever need in this world or the next.

Christmas has never been a big holiday for me. Hard times feel all the harder when there are holiday trees and all those people smiling and gushing cheer all over the place. If someone isn’t feeling good about their life, the first thing they will make a joke about is Christmas; because somewhere down deep they are miserable. Well, being ticked off at life is easy enough to do -- lots of things suck and that is no lie.

It is easy to hate the cards one has been dealt, because the dealer isn’t fair and is sometimes so repugnant you can smell him before you see him. Nevertheless, no one can take anything of value from someone if that someone possesses the one thing that is waterproof, fire-proof and even death-proof: Themselves. No one can stop the tides, hard luck or bad weather but they can like who they see in the mirror and have a little sympathy for the guy. Hell, I will go one further. Being the best friend to yourself will prevent one from living or dying hopeless -- because if you are your own best friend then you’ll never be alone and between you, your best friend and the Lord (whom I believe has walked with me every day in my hard times) you can even have a good game of cards.

Life is a gift. Even the bad parts of it is a gift. Sure, it is not always a gift one wants or even likes, but if someone lets the hard times do their best then, one day, they can look up and maybe they’ll have one more reason than they did the day before for getting out of bed. And, after that, they may come up with another one. And, so on. And, so on.

This is Christmas: A time when people should be kind to one another and overjoyed that the Lord gave them the life he did. At least that is what is on the marquee. I don’t believe people are all that nice (at least not in this day and age if they ever were). As a matter of fact, I don’t put a shot glass full of confidence in the better angels of humanity, as a rule of thumb. But, I have come to believe in the Lord and myself -- the greatest gift a man entering his last act can have. So, the sun is a little brighter, the birds chirp a bit louder and, having acknowledged that this life never will be that “Wonderful Life” Jimmy Stewart knew or Andy Griffith’s “Mayberry RFD,” I look at things around me for what they are and I can like them well enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not happy I was ruined or that those who helped me out in getting ruined did it. Still, last time I checked I’m not in charge of anyone but me. There is someone who is in charge of sorting out what people did and didn’t do, and I’m not talking about Judge Judy. I don’t have to carry the weight of the world, or anyone else’s weight for that matter. Heck, I have my own problems just fending off another piece of pie for dinner.

I lived through the hard times, though, despite horrible, horrible experiences. Those experiences don’t own me anymore, as much as they have been lived and are simply a part of the record where I am involved.

There are special people in my life today, and they don’t expect a damn thing from me other than that I try and do the best I can day to day. God put them in my life and I am really happy about that. And, the people he took away, I guess he knew what he was doing with that too.

If you are reading this and you’re life has been going fine and everything is just wonderful, well this is wasted on you. God bless and may the road rise to meet you still. But, if you are down-and-out, if you are looking at the wolf at the door and he is either getting in or he is walking around the living room -- and it seems like all hope is lost -- I’m here to tell you it isn’t.

Sure, things are going to suck for a while. And, don’t lie to yourself or listen to any of that cheap confection TV ministers are shoveling at you: Not everything is roses and its not supposed to be. Sometimes, you take your licks and go through a little hell. Maybe some violence will be done to your spirit, body and mind. Never think you’re alone, though. There really is a God. If someone doesn’t believe that I really don’t give a damn. The Lord doesn’t need me to ring doorbells for him. I’ll just say he is there and leave it at that.

This world is really very beautiful, even with the muck and mire in it here and there. It’s definitely worth a good long look. When you’re out of money and luck, don’t throw your cards in -- it gets better. If you hang around long enough good stuff will happen. Just look at high school, all you have to do is show up enough and you can be the dumbest bump on the log out there and they’re still going to hand you a piece of paper one day saying you graduated. Maybe life is just a little like that, I don’t know.

So even if you’re not having the happiest of Christmases this year, not to worry. Hang around long enough, do your best not to be stupid (even if you’ve previously made a career out of it) and good things will happen. No one is perfect and everyone deserves a second, third or even fourth chance. There was only one perfect man in this world, and we killed him for it. So, if you are a screw up trying to dig yourself out of a big ass hole, not to worry, there are a whole lot of other people digging right next to you.

Oh, and if you ever have another shot at love (I don’t mean the insane kind) -- do it. I am pretty sure it’s why we were put on this earth in the first place.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Service, patriotism and professionalism

AMERICA: Love it or get the hell out

I served in the United States Army and its various components between 1983 and 1998. I was nothing special, just another soldier doing the best he could, among so many other soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines doing the exact same thing.

What disturbs me about today, on Facebook and other social media, on television, radio and along Main Street, USA, is this feeling that individual members of the Armed Forces should be so loud and vehement about their political or personal feelings regarding the American president (regardless of who it might happen to be) or Congress and what is 'right' or 'wrong' governmentally in this nation.

I think there is a point here that bears repeating at least once: Members of the Armed Forces preserve the principles of our Democratic Republic, they do not participate in them. Consequently, they serve to protect the freedom of speech for all Americans, which does not mean they possess it while on Active Duty in any way, shape or form.

A professional armed service is not staffed by professional philosophers, loud civic naysayers or the barroom politicians who spend their time 'devil's advocating' for un-American causes (like those who advocate domestic overthrow and the like). Advocating too loudly for causes potentially hostile to the elected U.S. Government is and has always been punishable under the Uniform Code of Military Justice for very good reasons.

Besides, the U.S. armed services have never been melting pots for the opinions of the disenfranchised, disloyal or deranged opinions of its members and I do not advocate for them becoming so now.

I have heard service members speaking loudly about their dislike for the current president, Barack Obama. I have heard extreme things said by some of them, particularly on Facebook -- in agreement with causes like the "Tea Party Movement," which I do not think particularly well of as a so-called "American" political entity. Regardless, though, of the agency of the derision against the Government of the United States and the governments establish by the governments of the United States, be it Democrat or Republican, Communist or Socialist, Pepsi or Coca Cola, a member of the armed forces of the United States adding their voice to any echo of dissent is patently wrong.

Inasmuch as I do not approve of the Tea Party or its principles, it is my right, according to the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights, for me to be able to express this feeling loudly and publicly. In addition, should a president be selected from the ranks of the Tea Party Movement (God forbid), it is my right to protest actions by that president in all the ways acceptable to our government. Why? Well, I am no longer in the military: I am a civilian.

When I served in the military, I did not particularly like several actions taken by then-President George H.W. Bush. I thought he was a good person but some of the things he did were inappropriate where it involved the U.S. military. But, while I held these opinions privately, I did not make these views public in any way. At the time, I was a soldier serving in the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault). It would have been a clear conflict to my service to make disparaging remarks about the commander-in-chief. And, I am fairly certain that, at the time, my chain-of-command would have rightfully pursued charges against me for doing so if I had.

Today, though, as the country is more polarized as it has ever been between what is perceived as "Republican" or "Democrat," "Conservative" or "Liberal," "Ignorant" or "Progressive," service members have indulged themselves to new heights of participating in political arguments -- while in uniform and on Active Duty -- than ever before, in my humble opinion. It would take an investigator only a few moments to find nests of ne'er-do-well service members on Facebook, making outrageous claims and boasts about what they will or will not do when ordered by the chain-of-command to perform various orders. And, I find that quite alarming. Since when did the U.S. military become a haven for people of questionable or marginal loyalty to the country and the officers appointed over them?

I have said several times I do not find the evolving way of the world to my liking very much, insofar as technology, relationships, education, the economy or politics. Nevertheless, I have equally made the statement that simply because I do not like something does not mean it is bad or innately wrong -- I simply might not like certain things (as I am entitled to do). But, where the new 'trend' becomes disloyalty to one's nation while serving under arms -- I draw the damn line.

Is it wrong for members of the Armed Forces to protest? I say 'yes'

The first soldier of our American Republic was a fellow named George Washington: surveyor, planter and back woodsman. He was also commander of the Continental Army during the Revolution and our nation's first soldier and president. After the Revolution, when victory had been secured, many officers in the U.S. Army thought it best that Gen. Washington be offered a kind of kingship over the newly minted American colonies and so they approached him with this idea and offered him the services of the U.S. Army to facilitate his transition to power.

Washington was outraged that officers, all of whom he had led during the Revolution, would ever contemplate such a thing. He turned away and railed against any notion of the United States being a monarchy or of the Army daring to usurp a civilian-elected government. He was astonished that his soldiers would ever dream of such a thing.

It was a 'lesson learned' early in the history of this nation that soldiers with too much time on their hands and too much leniency to speak and act in the realm of the political create havoc, tyranny and disorder. However, the very job of military service, in itself, is intended to be the very example of order and discipline. Well, Washington sorted that nonsense out, and so have commanders for time immemorial after him, right up until today.

In my opinion, American service members who loudly protest the elected Government of the United States are not suitable for military service. Members of our military are trained to and, in the course of their service, do use firearms and are given assignments of great trust. No one needs such things to be done by an unstable person, unsure of their loyalty or the responsibilities of their positions.

"The Great Experiment" of the United States is now almost 250 years old. It has weathered a great deal, but there are surely storms ahead. Yet, the prospect of compromising the political seclusion of members of the armed services, and the granting of permission to them to participate in political processes of this country, is nothing but dangerous and flirts with disaster for every man, woman and child in this country.

Excellent service to this nation while in uniform is characterized by many things, and among those things is political silence. Patriots do not attempt to abridge the codes of conduct that our nation's fighting men and women have lived by for centuries. Rather, they make every effort to abide by the codes and provisions in place for political involvement of Active Duty military service members.

Of course, service members are welcome to take part in the revolution that takes place at the polls in every city and hamlet, from sea to shining sea, in the United States at the end of every office holder's term -- it's called an election. During elections, which currently only about 20 percent of Americans participate in, on average, who will or will not serve in office is decided. Once that election is over and the votes are counted then the result of that election is characterized as "...the will of the people."

To be plain, I thought the presidency of George Bush (the younger) was terrible. I thought and still believe he was an absolute idiot. Consequently, I legally protested the Iraqi War in New York City in 2004 and wrote one or two editorials (in the newspaper I published at the time), decrying some of his policies. Well, this is how Americans are permitted to agitate for change when they are not in the U.S. military. When they are in the military, after they have sworn an oath to serve and protect the United States and accept orders from the president of the United States and those officers appointed over them, it is a whole other kettle of fish.

Even if "W" were the president during my tenure in service, I would have shut my mouth, voted my conscience and concentrated upon my work -- not make a spectacle out of myself or, by extension, my branch and chain-of-command.

Yes, things change -- they certainly do. Everything marches on, from hairstyles to television shows, sports and even social norms. However, generations tinker with fire when they move too far away from the blue print first established by the framers of this nation; a blue print, I might add, that was etched in the blood and service of countless men and women through the march of time.

Sometimes, on rare occasion, it can unilaterally be said that change is not for the better. And, in this case, I think it is so. What would I do with members of the Active Duty U.S. military who engage in political activities, the likes of which I have described in this opinion? I would identify them, charge them and adjudicate them and, subsequently, separate them from the U.S. military with an "other than honorable" discharge.

Praise the Lord! Now, send in the Armor

NOTHING SAYS CHRISTMAS LIKE A TANK! I shot this a few years ago at the PNC Bank Arts Center, in Holmdel.

Does anything say 'birth of Jesus' like an American tank roaring into battle? Apparently not for some. This shot was captured at the PNC Bank Arts Center some years ago, in Holmdel, NJ. It was one of the more spectacular pieces of the light show. But...ah...Armor....really? I mean...it's...a tank. It looks more like the Christmas Battle of the Bulge than the birth of an infant. Maybe Santa's mechanized infantry is following up behind the tanks, just in case the Baby New Year calls in an airstrike.

INCOMING! I can only surmise folks at this nearby 'village' were hiding 'anti-Christmas elves.' lol

The obsession of staying online: Losing Touch

Relationships were hard enough before computers

PEOPLE ARE ONLINE MORE THAN EVER BEFORE and it has become a fact of life that, for many people, most transactions, business and personal, are completed online. While this is a fact, it is also a fact that how some people see the Internet and its use is generational and not just functional.

I will come right out and say it: I lost a six-year relationship with someone because they could not, would not get off the darn computer.

Not only did this young lady, let's call her "Erica," keep her face buried in one computer, but she usually had two going and her iPhone as well -- all working at the same time. Erica was having her love affair with technology, it wasn't important for me to be in the room, or so I thought.

I sure do wish it was another way, because of all the reasons to end a relationship -- technology being one of the main contributors is absolutely preposterous to my withered, seemingly ancient way of thinking.

Now here comes the insight I gleaned from this: I was born in 1966 and Erica was born in 1982. Our disparity in ages represented not only a wide gulf in cultural experiences and perspectives, but also technological ones.

Technology did not make deep marks upon my perspectives and choices in the 1970s and 80s, when I was in prime developmental years as an adult. Technology was felt in the mainstream most where it involved video gaming for my generation, perhaps here and there in office equipment, but patently nothing that would set the world afire. So, while technology was and is incredibly interesting to me, it will never be the most important way I communicate or be seen as anything other than an implement by me (and I wager I am not the only one from my era).

Meanwhile, Erica came from that generation which grew-up with technology as a near constant companion, almost from the cradle. By the time Erica was a teen, public telephones were becoming more and more scarce. In 1992, when she was 10, New York City had more payphones than any city in the world (50,000). However, within a few years the payphone would shrink into the yellowed pages of history.

Online banking, which is still not strictly done by members of my generation, was an ordinary way of doing business for Erica's generation. "Movies" were less a family or couple's event than they were something seen on a cellphone screen upon first viewing. And, where it involved things like blogging, Facebook, Goodreads, Linked-In, Twitter and Instagram...well, this was how Erica's generation moved socially. To say the least, it was not for me or all that many in my generation. I would say many folks from my era do socializing the old-fashioned way, for the most part, in person.

There are already enough obstacles to May-December relationships, but without really being able to understand the technological norms of someone, and how important that is to them, relationships can be very hard.

I despaired about how many computers Erica was using at home earlier. Yet, Erica was actually working at her full-time job on one computer, working her part-time job on another and speaking to her mother on her iPhone (via Instant Messenger). Working and keep in touch with family is nothing new but how this is done is different from my experience. If I had family to call, I would use the phone. But, if I were calling children, I suppose they would want to communicate with me in much the same way as they would their friends (which may be using text, Instant Messenger or something like that). I couldn't wrap my head around the need to do that all the time.

Times move on, just as they always have

I believe there are important things computers have stolen from young people, and here is my Top 5:

1. The regular use of computers has 'dumbed down' the language for younger people. Simply, they do not speak or write the English language as well as those before them, so that also means they understand its nuances less since they are not entirely fluent in it. I believe it is important to be fluent in at least one language spoken or written;

2. In learning to socialize online first (and primarily) generations of young people in the Age of Technology are more socially awkward and less sophisticated in this way than previous generations. I have never seen so many young people unable to adequately express themselves to each other appropriately or effectively than I have in the generations of people raised alongside technological aids. Home-schooling does not help this at all. This includes both men and women, some of whom have seemed positively baffled at what I see as appropriate, normative dating or relationship parameter;

3. These younger generations are, physically speaking, far less vibrant or energetic than their fathers and mothers or generations before them. They do not play football or baseball on back lots or in school -- they play them on monitor or television screens. Consequently, these generations are physically heavier and less ready at an early age than perhaps ever before. Physical fitness is not fun, per say, to many young people. Fitness is a chore, which many will do or not do as they see fit;

4. With all of the above going on, is it any wonder that, sexually speaking, younger people have changed a great deal from generations of yesteryear. Where young men and women were once, for right or wrong, driven by strong biological urges -- younger generations have a distorted and sometimes bizarre take on sexuality compared to their older counterparts at a comparable age. For the sake of decorum, I will not note my observations in any more detail than that. It is enough to say I have noticed something of a difference; and

5. While male/female archetypes have not always been good in all ways in society, I have found much good in them from time to time. The phrase "ladies" and "gentlemen" can only be loosely applied these days. The computer has robbed kids of so much they have no idea what kinds of attitudes and actions are attached to these phrases. I have noticed a certain degree of androgyny in young people today that is not alarming, per say, since all things change. But, it makes being able to relate to young men and women today more enigmatic and even more challenging, on top of everything else. If anything, men learn what being "a man" is from watching rap videos and popular entertainment, not their fathers, elders or friends. Women learn what it is to be "a woman" from representations of same in popular media. The personal touch is, in my opinion, quite gone.

I am not writing this to discuss the 'horrors' of the computer age or those who live within it. The 'old days' were not better, in so many ways, and were frequently 'worse' than many cultural encounters today. In fact, the computer has transformed society into something new. And, the 'differences' I have noted from when I was younger, in my prime, are, in essence, my issues and not an issue created by the computer or those who grew up with them side-by-side. Still, I think saying there is a 'wider gulf' between my generation and newer ones is not a stretch. In addition, I think it is also fair to say technological advents have made one-on-one communication and empathy harder than, perhaps, ever between older and younger generations.

With all of this as a backdrop, it is not outrageous, I believe, to say that it is more difficult to have a May-December relationship (of any kind) when the scripts of two people can be so different. Literally, even the language seems to be diverging from the two, shaking relationships to the core at times between nuclear families, let alone interpersonal relationships with anyone outside of one's family unit.

May-December relationships have always, in their long history, worked unevenly, as I see it, and as a seasoned veteran of them I would caution anyone against them. However, I will say my time with Erica did give me a good luck into a new day. She was a tour guide into today and tomorrow, as well as a wonderful person, indeed. 

Yet, I am sure that if anyone has read this all the way through it is someone from my generation or earlier, as many younger people today do not or cannot read for long periods of time where it involves anything: 'If it's not in a video it's not worth knowing.'

Without using an "lol" or "lmao" I will conclude this and simply say if you live long enough, you see so much, and it is a pleasure to do so (though not everything may strike everyone as all that pleasurable). I hope I gave at least a few people whom have read this some food for thought.