Find a New Course Toward Health

Does the Devil tempt with cheesecake? Maybe

I heard back from my daughters recently, after not hearing from them for a long time. It was wonderful. I love hearing from them. They are truly smart, classy, beautiful ladies and both of them are in their 20s.

Only rarely do I hear back from old friends. But, friends are not the same as family. I have a healthy, great relationship with a super lady and that is pretty much where I spend most of my free time communicating. You see, she lives in the Greater Boston Area, while I live in the Greater New York Area. Hopefully, that changes soon but we're not there yet.

Anyway, there are all these relationships in my life, like anyone else's: Very little family though. Basically, just the girls.

While I care for the people in my life, I can't get worn out on drama anymore -- anyone's -- not even mine. As I creep up there in age, I have to stay laser-focused on eating right, keeping my mind active, getting proper exercise and feeding my spiritual self. If I don't, then my disabilities will get control of me -- again. Instead of losing weight, I will be putting weight on, and I don't want to do that.

I saw a wonderful message on Facebook, it said: "Don't Get Drawn Into Anyone's Drama, Draw Them Into Your Peace." I like the hell out of that saying, not enough to get a tattoo of it or anything but I sure will keep that one in my pocket for some time.

I think it was Marianne Williamson that said, "If you do not change how you think, you will never be able to change who you are." Well, I'll give an 'Amen' out to Sister Marianne. And, if you like yourself just the way you are and you don't want to change...then don't.

I wanted to change because I was (and am) overweight, unhealthy with many conditions in full bloom, psychologically a mess and I could barely walk down a staircase without breathing hard. Hey, I'd rather be dead than lead the rest of my life like that. Like a lot of people, I live with quite a few problems. These problems were and are permanent and several of them are very physically painful. But, my attention wasn't on fixing me: It was on personal dramas, wallowing in my pain, bitching and trying to solicit sympathy. Yeah, I was a train-wreck.

In my case, I didn't want to be 'me' anymore. I wanted a healthier, more grounded and spiritually charged 'me.' And, with the help of God, the Veteran's Administration and some drive finally, I actually did start doing everything I could to live and live healthy and everything has been falling in line really well.

Yeah, I lost 20 pounds and working on it responsibly. Not by dieting. I just started eating the way I should and walk as much as I could. Oh, and about walking -- I will swear by Vitamin D and Fish Oil. My doctors prescribed them and it has been a revelation.

During a great many of therapeutic sessions I had with my therapists, one of their themes was letting go of grudges, frustration and -- yes -- dramas. They couldn't have been more right. Today, I hardly ever or never get angry, excited, worry or yell.

Why would I? Why should I?

Now, I love but don't get judgmental. If either of my kids or any of my friends had a real problem, of course I would do everything possible to make it right. But, the petty BS that climbs into people's every day life is quite another thing entirely. And, if I don't feel like that then it's on me if I get a heart attack or worse.

Young people fall and bounce. Today, my old ass falls and stays right there where it fell.

You know, mankind is really a race of explorers. Not many of us actually climb the Himalayas (and for the record -- who the hell would want to?) or swim the channel. Still, it is an adventure of sorts to chart a new course in life and to sail toward an unfamiliar port. In this case, the port is a healthy you. Everything about yourself is going to change if you take this journey seriously. You'll stop the little every day things that are pushing you into the ground.

I am not trying to kill myself anymore with tobacco, cheesecake or screaming.

I like this journey. And, as I move down this river more, I have started asking myself why I didn't do this years before. My answer is always the same, though: 'Because I wasn't ready for it.' Well, I'm ready for it now and my personal well-being has my full attention ('bout time). I'm responsible for my personal well-being -- not my significant other, my kids, the neighbor next door, the guy who lives behind the dumpster, the night crew at the Dunkin' Donuts. No, just me.

Do you remember in any business class you've taken through the years, when the first rule of business is discussed: Always pay yourself first. OK, this is just like that, but instead of money -- it's your time, exercise, eating right, doctor visits, taking medication...the whole thing. Do that first and let nothing interfere with your regiment and you're going to notice a change.

Well, thanks for letting me go on and pontificate. I've pontificated so much on this blog so far, someone should have given me a big hat, cape and red shoes by now. It is always a pleasure writing here. Have a great week and...seeya later, alligator.

THE DEVIL! The Untold Story

It's just another day at the office for the Devil in this depiction.

Is there a Devil? Emphatically 'Yes' and I've seen him.

Lucifer is, of course, the Devil. Lucifer is reported to be a fallen angel, who rebelled against God and was cast down to Hell with his followers, who became demons in the Pit (as Hell is also known). The Archangel, Saint Michael, is reputed to have bested the Devil/Fallen One in personal combat, sending him reeling in defeat. So now, Lucifer's 'job,' if you will, is luring and tricking humanity into straying from the righteous path of God. At this, he has much practice and many instances of success.

It is said that, in Hell, his domain, Satan/the Devil tortures the souls of the damned for all time, as they pay for their sins in his fiery realm. Satan has been depicted as having a ram's horns growing from his head, possessing a tail, with his feet being replaced by cloven hooves as he carries a pitchfork to reap the souls of the wayward.

I have not seen that Devil. I have seen the Devil in me, as I ruined my life with pride, lust, addiction, avarice, greed, envy and sloth. Yes, I have seen that Devil, and he has been a fearsome foe my whole life long. I have battled him and fought him and I have won some and lost a lot. Hopefully, though, my story is finished with a final victory after being in retreat after a score of humiliating defeats. It sounds a little like the American Revolution there, doesn't it?

How many times I was passive as the Devil attacked my psyche and my life I cannot recall. How many times he stole love, my home, integrity, faith and loved ones right out in front of me just when I thought I might find my way back. Make no mistake, the Devil I am talking about is far more dangerous than a distorted vision of humanity. The Devil that I believe is there dwells not within a fiery realm, but within our own hearts, our own minds. He is the worst parts of ourselves, which has been turned into a character in religion.

Oh, it doesn't matter what form the Devil may take. He lives and breathes and is there, on the job, every single day our eyes awake to this better-than-all-other-worlds planet. And, Lucifer will claim your soul, if you let him. The greatest victory ever won by Satan was that he got people to believe he doesn't exist. Well, he does. The Devil is in my heart and yours. No one of the flesh is without sin, and as we battle our personal demons -- we fight the Devil in earnest. When any of us fights against the Devil, they fight an awful challenger but one that can be defeated.


Faith is a real part of our own salvation. How can it not be?

I'm not going to say that running to a Church is the way to go, or running into a therapist's office, though those are good ideas for a balanced life, no doubt, I think. The greatest gift and curse mankind ever got was free will. Each of us determines what is right or wrong for themselves, and God gave that to us. In history, there have been evil men who thought they should regulate people's freedom and they are the worst sort, whom I hope reaped their rewards for such a heinous atrocity.

Nevertheless, freedom belongs to every soul born on this earth. But, behind every decision we make stands the Devil, trying hard to influence what path we take. So, I believe if someone is doing what they can, within a reasonable understanding, to be healthy (regardless of how well or not well they pursued this before), and they are seeking or pursuing actual medical treatment for their ills, they are on the road to salvation.  If someone is making a legitimate effort to reconnect with their higher power, regardless in what form that effort takes, then I think that person is on the road to salvation. Because someone fighting to come back from hard times through faith and trust in their higher power is a moving target that is going to escape the grasp of evil more times than not. It's faith that saves them, and why not call that response by God 'Amazing Grace' while we're at it.

In my experience, it is hunger, anger, loneliness and being tired that sparks bad decisions in the moment. However, poverty, illness, injury, addiction, unemployment, homelessness, hunger, fear, loss and hard times can be the setting that will fan the flames of poor decision making. By addressing the real needs each of us have in this world, then we make ourselves stronger against the tide of evil and not weaker.

For myself, I never believed any person, be it pastor, pope, pontiff or Presbyterian, has any more of a connection to God than I do when I wake up and greet Him good morning. When I pray to God, I do not need to be in a Church with incense burning (though that is a lovely environment). God hears me just fine, and that comes with Him being omniscient.



Heading back to sanity is our choice.

All I have to do is try. But, I have to try to make my own life better using that free will that so often got my ass in trouble in the first place. Irony, isn't it?

Rather than using my free will to find a liquor store or talk shit, start a fight or stagger down a street, I have to use that free will to eat healthy, listen to my doctors and do my best in all things. And, that is work. Recovery is not always fun, but it has phenomenal rewards. It is living responsibly and living in such a way makes me a harder target for the Devil to hit. The target becomes even harder to hit when I reach my hands out to come home to the Lord, in my case. I've reconciled with God and my soul is calmer -- and I did it without sending even one well-dressed minister lunch money. Yeah, God doesn't need money.

I would be missing the point of this whole journey if I ever forgot that I was as bad a sinner as there has been. No, not the greatest sinner, but a sinner no less. I don't think being is a sinner is like taking karate, where you get belts to show ranks. I am no better than an alcoholic in the throes of his or her illness because I do not drink for today. It is the brokenness that engulfed me that has given me the want to reach out to people and help in the little ways one person can to another. Yes, I lead a better life today, a sane one, a rational one and one rooted in faith for the God that slept beside me when I was homeless, living in a snow-bound hobo camp in Nebraska during the winter of 2011. Yes, He was there.

So, in my life, I have seen God and the Devil. Both of them are as real to me as my next-door neighbor. Both of them have business with me, but it is up to me whether I listen to my better angels or fall prey to my darker ones. In the end, though, it's all my choice.