By JIM PURCELL
The week of grace between Christmas and New Year's is a special one to me. I believe it is a time of reflection -- a chance to take a pause before the next chapter of our lives and to consider where we are individually. Yes, this is a news site, but I warned everyone there would be some commentary along the way.
I can only speak for me over the past year, and take a look and evaluate if I lived up to anything I said I would do last year. The report card is in, and I can faithfully say I earned a B-minus, which I will take and consider a 'win.'
Last year, I said I would not yell anymore, I would do all I could and not get angry for the sake of anything either. I said I would be a better person than I was in 2015. Overall, I think there is some progress; good progress. Why though? Why make all these promises to ourselves for the New Year?
Well, life is a proposition in learning and progress. If we aren't getting smarter as we get older, then I suppose we're getting dumber. I learned over the years that getting too excited, for the good or bad, isn't practical. I learned that no one likes being yelled at and people dislike sarcasm at least as much. It is not good to give too much, to receive too much, to love too strongly or to hate at all. These are life lessons that came after passing through some tough places in my timeline. Let me make it clear that this is my truth -- and not one I feel I have to prove to any estimable logic. It is just stuff that came along when I was going through life.
Living easy is an ideal for me. Of course, living easy doesn't mean not paying my bills or being lazy, sleeping in too much or being a patsy for anyone. It means a lot of things, though, from not letting anyone take up space in your own head to letting go of junk that really doesn't matter much anyway.
Of all the things I least miss about my youth, it is those feelings of intense passion that came with throwing myself 150 percent into something, espousing causes of so-called 'right' and 'wrong' and feeling so sure about something that I had to convince people I was right and they weren't that I miss the very least. I don't harbor bad feelings. I don't mull over good old days or bad old days. I finally live in the context of the day. I seek peace and it finds me a lot of the time. You know, it beats the heck out of the status quo just a few years ago.
I am so lucky to be living the life I have today, right now. I am grateful for it. I thank God for it. It became a more beautiful, more shining universe, indeed, when I finally came to the understanding that I was not the only one in it. There are other people in that universe too.
When I went through alcohol rehab, and in my early recovery, people in AA used to talk about the "promises of sobriety." There were a few. But, there was some confusion on a couple major points for me that took a while to understand and accept. I thought I would get everyone back in my 'new life,' the ones I ticked off with my old days when my mental health issues were un-medicated and lived like a drunk. This thought was a mistake. Yes, I have wonderful relationships today; a great family. It is not the one that was there before my bad times, though. Some bridges cannot be rebuilt once they are burned or mined and blown up with a keg of C-4. This is alright, though, because sometimes the only way to welcome what is new and wonderful is to let go of something else that was old and uncomfortable. I guess that means saying goodbye can be better than trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.
Today, I celebrate the love and friendship I have in my life, while at the same time making friends with the ghosts of those old people and events of the past. In trying to change and doing better, I honor my past and at the same time my present and future.
I like that.
I daresay there was only one perfect person ever born to this world -- he was it. And, we all just got done celebrating his birthday. For the rest of us, life is sometimes -- not all the time -- an uphill struggle that weighs on us when the going gets tough. I choose to let go of the past and embrace now and the future. History is not changed with good intentions. Nothing can change history, whether that is good history or bad. I don't waste any ink crossing out history anymore, though. I use that ink to write today's story and try and make it the best I can.
Hate is just an ugly thing. It isn't worth hating anyone for anything, and that includes ourselves for things that, when it is all said and done, can't be changed anyway. Today, we have the gift of life. It is up to us not to seize it (seizing life is for young people with a lot of energy) but to welcome it and try as best we can to turn that new, blank slate into happy memories.
Not every day is going to be sunshine and roses. But, when you start looking for them, you'll notice a lot more sunshine and roses than you did when you turned a blind eye to them.
As always, thanks for reading and do have a lovely day.
