The Tale of Billy and Jerry: Legends of the Jersey Shore

Look -- it's opportunity NOT there!

By JIM PURCELL

I remember when I was eight years old, the summer of 1974, Billy Walsh and Jerry Anderson left the neighborhood to move 20 miles closer to the Jersey Shore, in Long Branch. They had just graduated from high school and they both bought cars (for a couple hundred dollars apiece). They both worked two jobs at minimum wage and their rent was $250 and utilities per month. They were gods to us kids. They worked, they had their own place, and even if their cars weren't that great -- they had them. Billy and Jerry worked hard, played hard: It was the all-American thing -- probably should still be if you ask me. They saw so many Van Halen and Doobie Brothers shows I am surprised the crew didn't start taking mail for them.

No 18 year olds today can mimic Billy and Jerry because, due to the march of time, an apartment now is $1000 per month (at least) and that is before utilities. Two full-time minimum wage jobs would, at best, buy you a Happy Meal and buying a part for a car will cost you more than a few hundred, let alone an entire running vehicle. Let's not forget New Jersey driver's insurance either.

Why can't Johnny get off Mom and Dad's couch? Well, it is too damn expensive and there are too few routes to do it at the ripe young age of 18. Now, pretty much the only shot some kid has of getting a little space from the parental units is joining the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines or Coast Guard. Not such a bad choice, really.

THE JERSEY SHORE: Anyplace is a great place if you have a job.

Why not college? Well...why not college? OK, thanks for asking. Because college is too expensive for someone who may or may not get a career out of it. If someone goes idly frolicking around college for a few semester, they can quickly find themselves in debt to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars -- and that is not even with them living there. College is right for some. To say it is right for all is to lie to everyone in earshot.

Here is a hard truth: Not every one of Mom's precious kids are right for college. It puts them in debt well over their head, and impedes their ability to slip into adult life without debt. College should be for people who are very serious about their professions, or young people whose parents have a lot of money and possess over-permissive attitudes about flushing it down a toilet.

Even if some ordinary kid graduates from college in a non-demand field -- they are likely to find their first jobs after graduation in chain fast food stores or dying retail outlets rather than in the profession they studied four long years to be newbies at. And, the debt they made will still be there -- hanging over their head like a dark financial cloud that will not leave.

Not fun stuff, but there it is.

But, to continue the story of Billy and Jerry: Billy got a job at a factory (you'll have to visit a museum to see one of those in New Jersey today) and did good. He rose through the ranks and met a nice girl. He was all set up by the time he was 21 -- thanks to a decent union he joined at that factory. Meanwhile, Jerry became a mechanic -- not school-trained --  but he was naturally inclined and did good. So, he found a lovely girl and a nice little house. Well, here are the stories of Billy and Jerry -- fables now since no one can hope to repeat them.

NJ: Home to high taxes, rent, car insurance and school loans.

Flash to today: If Billy and Jerry were living as adolescents today they would both be on their parents couch until they were 40, if they ever left. Unless Billy could make his way to a time machine, he would never find a successful union job at a factory. Maybe he could work there as a temp without benefits for 20 hours a week. And, Jerry -- he would have to go to school. The world always needs good mechanics. But he is not making it out of Mom's house before he sees his first gray hair.

OK everyone who is talking about the rousing economic behemoth that is the United States....on three let's all yell....YAY! WE'RE THE BEST! After we do, maybe Billy and Jerry's moms will makes us some smores and treat us to lemonade.

But, what is the answer to getting these kids a trade and getting out of the house? Beats the hell out of me, truly.