JOHN HICKMAN: A LIFE LIVED

John Hickman (2014)

By JIM PURCELL

John Hickman passed from the world on January 14, 2017. He was 54 years old. He was a friend of mine, but without me remembering his life -- no one else is going to do it. And, he deserves being remembered.

John was originally from Brick, New Jersey. He attended Brick High School. After he graduated, he joined the United States Navy. He worked on aircraft in the service and was assigned to the USS Enterprise in the early 1980s. He earned the rank of Petty Officer 3rd Class. He did a Med cruise with the Enterprise, and he was aboard her when she performed duty in the Pacific also. He loved the Navy. He was proud to be a sailor.  He wished he stayed in.

But, after his tour, he came back to New Jersey. For a while, he worked as a mechanic for the New Jersey State Police. He liked that well enough but moved on from that after a few years.

Afterward, John held so many jobs -- from courier to sales associate at chain stores to taxi driver and more. John was never really close enough to a lady to get married. But, he searched for the right one throughout his life.

John's beloved USS Enterprise

John did wrestle with sobriety, more accurately the lack of it. He drank and he used drugs. In the end, he overdosed and died. At the time, he was living in Asbury Park, New Jersey: Not a nice place despite its ongoing renewal. It is not the Asbury Park of the 'bad old days' of the 1980s but it is still a haven for drug dealers and the like.

I met John before he moved to Asbury Park, in 2013 when we were both living at the Veterans Haven North, in Glen Gardner. It is a program offered by the New Jersey Dept. of Military and Veterans Affairs. The goal of the place is to act as a rehab for the first 90 days and, thereafter, as a transitional housing facility for homeless vets for up to two years.

John stayed there and worked at the VA New Jersey Health Care System, Lyons Campus, for about a year as a maintenance man. Then, he received his housing subsidy and went to Asbury. Fortunately, he found three sisters who were lost to him. He was adopted. However, a few years ago he reunited with his siblings and their children. He connected with them. Even though it was sometimes stormy, he had family relations. The world was not as alone as it had been. I know he appreciated it.
John loved music, playing his guitar and listening to bands like The Who, Led Zeppelin and Aeorsmith, to name a few. He especially liked that kind of music turned up as loud as it possibly could. John hated disco and could not dance. He was a devotee of The Walking Dead AMC television show. It's how we met at Vet Haven. We were among a small, determined band of loyal viewers who would try and secure a television on Sunday night, which was hard during football season. It was some nice times, though.

Fellow vet Richie Toth and John Hickman jam to Led Zeppelin

We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas together two years ago. It was great. We made food, ate and sang some songs after dinner. It is among my most favorite times.

In the end, John could not stay sober for even a morning. He drank throughout the day. He smoked and he treated every night as a party, even when there was no more joy in it for him. He was loud and very grumpy. He didn't care for life that much and he saw no future. He was secure in the feeling he could never -- would never -- quit his addictions. Sadly, this was the end he chose for himself and he would say it often.

John saw many of his friends die from addiction. With each new death he saw it not as a wake up call, but as a premonition of his own. There was no changing his mind and no talking him out of it. I wish it were another way, because he had so much potential -- so much good in him: so much humanity.

John achieved things in his life, though, which were remarkable. He recalled to me once the rolling action of the Enterprise's deck in bad weather. He recalled the hectic flight deck and the camaraderie of the crew he served on. And, he could play his beloved guitar. Anyone who can love music the way he did has not lead a wasted life.

The Who was always on John's playlist

John's addiction pushed people away, though. He pushed people away. This was the fact. No one could have saved him. He was not having it. I remember him because no one else is going to do it. They saw his illness -- and it is an illness -- not the man. Most people could not get through the constant drinking and regular drugging; his dark moods and angry words. It is a shame, there was a lot more than that to him.

As a fellow veteran, John was my brother. I miss him, and miss what he could have been as well. John did not believe in God as much as Fate. I respectfully disagree with him, because I certainly hope he has found the joy and peace he so richly deserves in heaven. He would hate me talking about God and him but it is my hope and prayer.

John's life has ended. I do hope, though, that his story is a cautionary one for people suffering from addiction. I also hope people remember John and his contributions to the world.