Sometimes God says 'No' to Prayers for Good Reason

I was in a relationship for years with someone once, in the 1990s. After the Army, all I wanted to do was get married, have kids...settle down. This person was the apple of my eye and my heart's content. After that long of a time, I thought it was a natural that things would work out. Of course, this was despite my job loss after being laid off and some personal issues that led to my falling into addiction, which I am gratefully in full recovery from.

Nevertheless, I truly thought everything was going to end up OK, even if there were some rough patches. I was a young man back then during those Clinton years. The person and I had years ahead of us, many of them, or so I thought. Well, the other person had another idea. For years, I literally prayed I would have a home with the person and that was my central issue with the world. Such a thing is not a terrible issue, it was a problem of welcome proportions.

So when this person broke up with me, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought I would never meet someone so great again. Even though I am a little rough around the edges, I run a decent home, where there might be some cursing now and again but nothing indecent ever happened. Not while I was or am involved. This specifically means no cheating, among a long list of other things, and especially means no weird stuff and cheating. I think I will leave it at 'weird stuff,' but stuff gets pretty weird these days, as we all know.

Well, when I was with them, I pushed for this person to further their education, do whatever they needed to move up in their chosen career and went the extra mile in helping them -- sometimes at the expense of my own journalism career getting started. Long story short -- they became very successful and whatever I did only helped them in achieving success. Boy, though, was I let down when I was dumped. It was horrible. I missed that person for a long time. I thought, 'I missed out on someone great.'

I had put the relationship behind me after a few years. Things were good with me. Life was golden for me. But, just days ago, I came across something online. Someone sent me a photo of this person I had been in a relationship with, idealized even, in some very indecent state that really went against everything I had known about them from years ago. In one photo, I discovered that not only was I deserving of the person, but this person was not good enough for me at all. It didn't matter where they came from, what schools they graduated from, what they did for a living, or how they lived -- the person was made of cheap stuff and indecent in their character: They had no character. In that one photo, all of the evil that person had in them was laid plain to view. The whispers of the Devil are all invisible until he finally nudges someone into the Pit, and that is what I saw plainly.

What I witnessed was so revolting as to defy words. And, that photo had lasted through the years because it appealed to warped minds. It is perhaps the worst photo I have ever seen. But thank God I am out of that picture, metaphorically speaking. Thank God that he said, 'No' to my prayers about this person. Thank God he saved me from something so vile, from which I do not know if there is a ladder long enough to climb out. And, any children the person and I might have had would have known nothing worth learning about their other parent. The children we never had are all the better for it, as it turns out. Positively not someone who should have responsibilities other than fixing themselves. Not in the condition of that person's mind or psyche.

God knows what he is doing.

Well, of course there is a ladder up. The ladder is called God and the steps up are called 'Self-Respect,' 'Dignity' and 'Decency.' God loves us more than we do ourselves. This is not news. But what was made clear to me by this whole episode was and is how we, as people, often have no clue what is good for us or bad for us. Sometimes, the one to trust is really the only one who can be trusted 100 percent, and that is of course God. There are times when we each hurt because someone leaves our lives, and the pain feels like more we can deal with. And then, right on time, God reveals why we had to go through the hard thing that hurt us: Not only do we understand then, but are even thankful sometimes.

I wouldn't want to see bad happen to anyone today. My problems of the past gave way to a new manner of seeing the world. And, thank God for that. In truth, I wanted to weep for the person in the photo. I even did some. And then I let it go, because however that life plays out, it has nothing to do with me. I'll conclude by saying, 'And thank God for that too.'