The Family That Plays Together Stays Together'

In my life, I have been a JINO, which means "Joiner in Name Only." This specifically relates to my Church, social organizations and professional organizations. Maybe being a JINO was a bad move.


The exception was with Stelton Baptist Church, a lovely little place on Plainfield Avenue, in Edison Township, New Jersey. I was a deacon for a very long time at the Church, before I was licensed to preach there in 2009. Even afterward, my duties were virtually the same, with some ceremonial changes.


I was going to that Church with my ex, a woman not known for faith but a very reliable person, all in all. And, the Church, its Fellowship and activities helped our relationship so much. We were together for years, she and I, and it was only when I walked away from the Church, after a horrible handling of transitioning an interim pastor by American Baptist Churches, that our relationship (mine and my ex's and mine and the Church's) truly hit the rocks. Then came the drinking and the rest is pretty much standard fare, I suppose.


I tried adopting another Church, without success really. Now, far from being a source of joyous memory, remembering the end of my time at Stelton is predominantly a negative thing. It was the beginning of a bad road.


So, what is the point then?


Well, it was not really Stelton that messed up and, though American Baptist Churches of New Jersey is incompetent in most of its administrative and financial functions, it was not my denomination or the new pastor that changed my life for the worse, though the new pastor was far from qualified to stand in the pulpit, in my expressed opinion. Despite my love for the Church and the benefits of that organization to my life, I walked away because I didn't like what was happening. I took my football and went home. See...I showed 'em.


Who got hurt? Not the brick and mortar of a Church that has stood in constant operation since 1869; no, it went along its way doing the job it has held for hundreds of years. When a Church turns over, generally a lot of what happened in the previous administration is forgotten or thrown away in American Baptist Churches, from what I have seen. It is chaos. But, things were done without me. The world went...without me.


Stelton went on.


My ex went on.


I went on.


And, who was the richer for it? No one, especially me.


Whether it is a Church, a First Aid squad, volunteer Fire Department, a VFW or American Legion, fellowship is important not only for people who are alone but for people who are couples. Participation in a group or two can really give a couple things in common, as I see it from my experience.


Throwing the groups away can also throw away the important commonalities between yourself and your significant other. I didn't think of that at the time. Of course, by the same token, common interests will not always work for couples so divorces and break-ups happen for a very good reason. Either something is meant to be or it is not.


Yet, when that end of my relationship with Stelton happened, I lost track of all my friends at the Church. Without family, I was a ship without a rudder when my ex left and I made some whopper mistakes -- but people are born imperfect and mistakes happen. I had no one to call. There wasn't a voice at the other end of a phone that gave a darn about that break-up other than myself and possibly the houseplants in the condo where we lived.


I say get out there and get involved with something. Not a ton of things -- don't become a JINO -- but a few things. Hey, Square Dancing is fun, so is helping out with any number of service organizations, or Churches... the list goes on.


Old sayings hang around for a reason; they are true things that always inform the human character: "The family that plays together stays together" is a good one. No, it's not sexy or trendy but it seems to be true enough.


I thought this might be a good thing to throw out there and write about. At least it seemed that way to me. Thanks for stopping by, as always, and have a nice week.