English...my old friend

An old defender of a lost cause

I don't know when I started being so up-in-arms about written English. I think it came in little bits.

In grade school, there was this really rough junior school adviser and science teacher named Mr. Kauffman. I think his first name was Lee, but to utter it as a child in referring to him would certainly have warranted some unwanted recourse.

Anyway, Mr. Kauffman couldn't handle bad English on any papers or really in anything his 7th and 8th graders did at all. Quite a few times he said: "Most of you speak only one language. It is all you have to communicate with: Don't you think you should be fluent in it?"

Well, he had a point.

Later on, I was at another boarding school during high school, this time in Texas. The school had a military theme and that was important -- but so was school. And, my freshman English teacher, Maj. Jimenez, was unforgiving -- albeit with a reason.

"How you use language is a big deal in life. You cannot make up words or you own grammar: If you cannot effectively communicate in English then how can anything you say be taken as credible. Meanwhile, those who are seeking to go on to college: Why bother if you are not going to take the time to be able to read and write your own language well?" Maj. Jimenez pressed home with us.

Finally, there was my college English guru, a history professor from Georgian Court College, in New Jersey, named Dr. Claribel Young. Dr. Young just wouldn't suffer the abuse of language in any way around her. She said, "The most important part of education was to be able to communicate effectively in writing and speaking. Without language, one is lost and no one is interested in the slightest if one wants to edit English for the sake of their own ignorance," she said.

Dr. Young would be an outstanding candidate for "Language Police" if ever such a post became open.

As I grew older, it dawned on me a little bit at a time that Mr. Kauffman, Maj. Jimenez and Dr. Young were all correct, and made their points in their own way.

During undergraduate studies in college, I consciously worked to improve my writing and language skills. So impressed with my own progress, I actually wrote a manuscript for a novel (which was never sold) called "Clan of Secrets."

Then, in class one day, Dr. Young asked who intended some kind of writing career. I have no idea why I raised my hand, but I did. Further, when Dr. Young asked what kind of writer I was thinking of becoming, I said I contemplated perhaps being a journalist.

She liked what I said, but warned, "Well, remember, everyone writes but only very few are actually paid to do it. Become very good at writing then and always keep up with language."

Truer words never said.

The Age of Technology is not, however, very conducive to young people learning language. In my opinion, by and large, proper use of English, be it written or spoken, has been as mangled as a drunk driver in a one-car accident with a tree.

After college, I did actually find jobs writing news. I received several promotions in the newspapers I was employed by. Eventually, become promoted enough and, one day, you look into the mirror and have somehow become an editor. Written English took on a new dynamic then: Horrible writing was actually painful to read when I had to read all day long.

Meanwhile, kids coming out of college, and subsequently working as reporters, were infuriating with their poor use of spelling, grammar and punctuation. At the weekly newspaper I eventually published, I cannot recall even one reporter in 11 years who actually knew how to use a darn colon: Not one!

Since no one knew how to use it, should the poor colon be axed from the language, just as some talked about dismissing the penny from its place in currency? I believe the argument for not using colons anymore went something like this: 'No one knows how to use colons anymore, or semi-colons for that matter. So, if no one knows how to use them they should just be dropped from the language.'

But, wait.

I have an idea.

Rather than dropping random punctuation marks, instead of paring down the language to a series of grunts and groans, perhaps it might be better to actually learn how to speak and write English. Now, that would be refreshing: A burst of sunlight before an ever-advancing darkness.

Most writers do not know that much about English. Similarly, and sadly, there are also many English teachers who take more care with their wardrobe than they do their language arts abilities also.

So, is that it? Is English destined to go the way of the T-Rex, dying slowly in a black bog until not even its head sticks out from the endless pool?

My opinion: Maybe.

Not all change in the world is for the best. Language always changes. Dictionaries anoint new words every year. Those new words are reflections of society. Language is nothing more than a reflection of the society that uses it. Otherwise, how would "e-mail," "texting" or "e-commerce" find themselves legitimized by their inclusion into formal language.

While I understand language, like everything else under the sun, changes, I do not believe there is any law on the books saying I have to like it. Besides, at this point in the game, I don't exactly think anyone is clamoring to hear my estimation of this matter.

Nevertheless, I will gather what abandoned colons, semi-colons and old bottles I find along the way and hoard them in my dwelling like some old eccentric. I will read the beloved classics of literature without the need for anime or a soundtrack. And, like the old curmudgeon I am, tell those 'young rascals' in the neighborhood to both use English right '...and get the hell off my lawn while you're at it!'

In the end, language expands and shrinks, like everything else does as we age. Sometimes, shrinkage and expansion occurs in the wrong directions, as is the case with human aging. 

Yet, even when older folks look in horror upon the way of the world these days, it has to be remembered that all life is change, and that goes for language as well. No, I still don't like it...and I would like those pesky kids off my lawn...but sometimes things just are as they have always been -- changing.