Marijuana is a tricky drug. Most smokers are skeptical that regular use could change their brain function in a harmful and permanent way. Marijuana is now accepted by our culture and regular users will often use the argument that it is less harmful than alcohol. A growing body of research though is beginning to show its long term negative effects on young users.
“Evidence of long-term effects is also building. A study released in 2012 showed that teenagers who were found to be dependent on pot before age 18 and who continued using it into adulthood lost an average of eight I.Q. points by age 38. And last year at Northwestern, Dr. Breiter[1] and colleagues also saw changes in the nucleus accumbens among adults in their early 20s who had smoked daily for three years but had stopped for at least two years.
They had impaired working memories as well. “Working memory is key for learning,” Dr. Breiter said. “If I were to design a substance that is bad for college students, it would be marijuana.”
How do you compete with marijuana though? What steps can parents take to best assure that their pre-teen children don’t begin pot use in their early teen and high school years? It is an uphill battle considering our growing cultural norms tolerating pot use. Now in November 2014, there is plenty of visual and first hand evidence of increased pot use by teenagers.
The new drug culture influences our children through the different drug oriented clicks and groups during high school and college. It’s not that pot users are advocating that others should use marijuana. In some cases yes, but I believe that it spreads mostly through curiosity by the upcoming students about pot and their eagerness to become part of “the group.” Some are now calling drug use and abuse an epidemic in our society that is very difficult to stop.
Children are curious about everything as they grow up and they tend to want to find out for themselves about many things including drugs. When Mom says “no to drugs” child thinks “that means I should try it.” Saying no to drugs is a simple but ineffective prevention tactic that can’t replace the need for child and parent to communicate in a non-punitive way. This is a better way to promote a child’s learning on his/her own about drugs without having to dig in deeper through dangerous personal experience. The problem with this is that the child often knows more about drugs than the parent and this becomes obvious during the discussion.
Still, there are things that a parent might do to help teens have the best chance of growing up without the use or abuse and/or dependency on marijuana and other drugs including alcohol. Here are my five suggestions:
- Understand that what you do and your attitude will have the most impact on your children. If you smoke pot for example, it’s more likely that at least one of your children will do the same.
- By the time your children enter high school, it will be more difficult to start learning about who they are. Continuing to lecture and preach will likely reduce or eliminate what could be critical and effective communication between you and your children at this age. But it’s never too late to change your own behavior as a parent by demonstrating the kind of positive actions and attitudes you would like to see in your children.
- Work to communicate with your pre-teen or teenager. When children are between the ages of 2 and 11, they will likely benefit from consistent discipline, sanctions, support and guidance[2]. After this age however, your teenager will respond better to general discussions about what interests them, letting them take more charge of the conversation. Look for what interests your teenager and gently and carefully encourage a non-judgmental discussion about these topics building a rapport. Once this happens, the door opens for you to speak your mind without treating your teen as a child. It’s hard for us parents to make this transition from baby “sanction-talk” to young adult “communication-talk.”
- Never abrogate your responsibility as a parent to do what is right for your teenager though and that may very well mean discipline or sanctions from time to time. Know when to use these sanctions and mean what you say. Teens will push relentlessly for what they want when they want it and it’s still your job to draw the line in a fair and balanced way.
- Try to be flexible and have time for your teenager when he/she needs you rather than brushing him/her off at that critical time because of your own busy schedule. Be careful not to be petty in your discipline and learn how to begin a more adult to adult relationship with your teen. Remember that it’s your teenager’s job function to push you; to disregard what you say; to rebel from time to time; to skulk and grump around and to test you constantly. Your job is to swallow hard; to count to 10 and to back off from responding to the traps set for you by your teen. If you don’t feel that “wise thought out response” welling up in you after an argument, say nothing and return to the discussion later. Give it some thought.
You know that your teen can use pot and other drugs the moment he/she leaves your house. You have no control except for your relationship. Searching his/her room only confirms your suspicion about the drug use but what do you do when you find it? The answer – talk yes, BUT LISTEN MORE! Learn and understand = More effective parent
Early and sustained parent to child communication, following the above steps, may be the most effective way to guide and “parent” your child towards a mature and healthy drug free lifestyle. Healthy children often have a busy schedule and no time for drugs.
The NY Times article below by Abigail Sullivan Moore is well worth a read!
